Cruisin'

lipat bahay..

2008-10-23T15:44:00.002+04:00

click on the pic for my new cyber hang out..

TR1

2008-05-07T16:51:00.010+04:00

sitting alone in the training room minus the buzzings and murmurings of my trainees, I got the chance to look at the whole room fenced by its four green-colored walls. Not that I do not know this room. I am familiar with each and every corner, from the computers, to the projector up to the pencil sharpener. The thing is, I am having that melodramatic sentimental moment we usually see in the movies when someone is about to leave his house and he makes one final look but instead of empty corners, he sees memories.

Training Room 1 has been my office for the last 6 months since I started doing induction training for new colleagues in my department. It was here where I conducted my very first session, trying to speak louder so trainees could not hear the beats of my nervous heart. Too many times I had to stop them from making too loud laughters from the games we play. In a few occassions, I had to speak some real words of encouragement to lessen frustrations caused by learning or the absence of it. One of the greatest feelings is when they believe in themselves when I told them that I do.

Five batches, 14 nationalities, too many personalities have been revealed in this room. Things have been taught. Stories have been told. Friendships were built. Laughters were shared. Believe it or not, tears have been poured out. Lives have been changed. All inside the Training Room 1. And the sweetest things is, at the end of the day, when we go out of the room, I am not just their trainer, I am a friend.

In two weeks time, I will be transferring to Burj Al Arab. I will be leaving this hotel. I will be leaving Training. In the past six months, I sure learned a lot myself. When I look at the whole experience, I was not the Trainer. I was actually a Trainee.

.

men of grey's anatomy: worth getting sick for..hehe..

2008-04-06T00:08:00.005+04:00

mc oh-so-hot steamy

the chief

my mc dreamy

burke

georgey

karev

thank you Messiah...

2008-03-14T22:57:00.002+04:00

all about pain.

2008-03-13T03:29:00.002+04:00

in life, we do decisions that we know would really hurt us.we know it would be really painful but we do it nonetheless.

because we have goals. because we look at what it would be like after the pain. because the pain is worth it.

that's exactly how it was like when i decided to move here in dubai. i know it would be difficult. i know the things i will miss. i know it would not be easy. but i did it anyway. for my family. just that thought makes it feel all worth it.

sometimes, though, because of our focus on our goals, we belittle the pain. we never really knew the depth of the ache hurt until you are there, stuck in the deepest misery. trust me, there will a lot of times when you will question your decision. you will feel so miserable until you think of the goal. then you will be fine again ready to take the challenge. and another cycle starts.

more than a year now in dubai and i know i should be over this thought. i was. until i went to the dentist one day and decided to have braces on. i know it would be painful and it would really really hurt but when i was there lying on that dentist's bed, all i can think of was the goal. and the goal will be worth it.

but after a day of conducting training with braces on, i feel like hating myself for bringing me into this situation. i belittled the pain until now that i can barely eat and the flesh inside my mouth is paining to the highest extent of torment. i have no escape but sleep. i hope it would be like earrings or make up or contact lenses that i remove after my day so that my night would be more comfortable. but that is not the case.

today is just my first day with the braces. i know i had a long way to go. but i wil have to endure it. just like how they say it, "no pain, no gian". aja!

i am an addict...

2008-02-27T02:15:00.002+04:00

my latest addictions: grey's anatomy and the song feels like home
my addiction for 23 months now: my mcdreamy. hehe..

There's something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose my self,
Makes me wanna lose myself in your heart,
There's something in your voice
That makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
For the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely
My life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down on lumdard street
And a siren rings in the night
But I'm all right cuz I have you here with me,
And I can almost see through the dark there is light

Well if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.

a valentine's day to remember...

2008-02-16T00:37:00.006+04:00

I have already set an itinerary for my valentine's day. 1) attend my job interview 2) my internet and cable subscription will be connected today 3) chat with my boyfriend. three things to really be excited about. i was excited, so eager to wake up and start my day. but instead of my alarm clock, an sms alert tone woke me up. it was from alfred.. hmm.. as usual he was so competitive as to who greets first on special occasions. or so i thought.. His sms was about an accident. Pastor Kevin or PK as we fondly call him and his wife, Tita Belle, had an accident this morning. They died.

I did not know how to react.. All I could feel was like emotions filling up in my chest. it was like my heart is swelling. i never had someone whom i personally know met an accident and died.

I have known Pastor Kevin for about 5 years now. He was the pastor in the church in UP where i became a Christian. He was a UP graduate, a rebel returnee-turned-pastor.He was ministering in UP Christian Youth Movement(UPCYM), a group I had been actively paticipating. I used to see him everyday when I was in college - wednesday fellowship, saturday choir practice, sunday service, and the rest of the week which was spent hanging out in our tambayan. He was a good man to me. And I know that he was good to me not because he was a pastor, but because he truly cared.

We had been to so many UPCYM projects together especially when i became officer in the group. we had been to caravans together, Bohol and Benguet. I especially like the part when PK would hang out with us in the tambayan. Other than God's Word, he could not stop speaking about his family, stories about his wife, activities of his kids and his desire to buy a new car.

I used to have some issues with my dad and once or twice I went to PK. He told me that there were things I just do not understand at that moment, but if he was my father, he would definitely do the same to protect me. and his words always made me feel good.

he once drove me to mrt station one rainy night from our wednesday fellowship in UP. as always, even if it's just the two of you in the car, he would always ask you to take the back seat because passenger seat was just for his wife. we had a different kind of chat that night. he told me he admired me because i was always glowing with optimism. it was the first time somebody said that about me. he said that he wished he had my optimism. he might be all words of encouragement to others but sometimes before they sleep at night, he would always tell his worries to tita belle. i found nothing to say. this was my pastor speaking to me that he has worries as well, so normal like me.

i came back to UP after being away for so long when i started working. i visited UPCYM. it was a quiet afternoon. he invited me to his office to have a little catching up sort of chat. I told him i now have a boyfriend. and he prayed for us and again his words made me feel good. he told me that he had always been concerned about us when we left the comfort zone of UPCYM to join the big world out there. i told him not to worry. i told him that Ate Vi, our other pastor, and he had instilled good words in us that i am sure we will carry with us as we go along with our lives.

i thought about him a month ago. i was meaning to write him an email, tell him that i am doing fine here in dubai. that i am so okay with my dad, that alfred and i are going stronger than ever and that i found a church and a fellowship group here in dubai. i meant to email him but was not able to..

today, i had to continue my itinerary 1) i went for my interview 2) did not chat with alfred. we decided it's better for him to go to the service for PK and Tita Belle. 3) my internet is now working as well as my tv connection. i was able to watch 24 oras of gma network and saw the news about PK and Tita Belle. The car was so wrecked. It hurts me to imagine their pain. I was wondering what did PK and Tita Belle spoke about in the middle of the accident when they were about to die. I cant help but think about their kids, Isabella and Carlo, who by the way is a splitting image of his father.

It sure was a different Valentine's Day. But it sure was a day of love. I had been a witness to PK's love for his family, his love for God, his love for the Church. And though there are things in this life we could not understand, surely God is in control. And he loves PK and Tita Belle.They are now in heaven. And God's love will surely be with Carlo and Isabella.

When I was still a single, I have always thought that if ever i get married, I will ask PK to be the pastor on that special day. And that will never happen now. But I am so grateful that our paths crossed.

PK, you will be missed...

***********************************
here are some entries online regarding the incident..
Breaking News / Metro
You are here: Home > News > Breaking News > Metro
(UPDATE) Pastor, wife killed in road accident in QC
By Marlon Ramos
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 10:35:00 02/14/2008

MANILA, Philippines – A rebel-turned-pastor and his wife were killed when the car they were riding in was rammed by a passenger bus in Tandang Sora, Quezon City Thursday, police said.Kevin Alamag, 40, and his wife Avelia, 46, died as they were being brought to Malvar General Hospital, police said.

Joseph Arana, the driver of the Nova Bus Transport (plate no. TWL-703) surrendered to authorities, police said.A report from the Quezon City Traffic Sector said the Nissan pick-up (PKS- 856) driven by Alamag was about to make a right turn at the intersection of Tandang Sora Road and Commonwealth when the speeding bus driven by Arana hit the couple's vehicle at around 7:20 a.m.

The report said the collision totally wrecked the victims' vehicle.The report did not mention if there were passengers of the bus who were hurt in the accident.

source: www.inq7.net
***********************************

Couple killed, others hurt in QC Valentine road mishaps
BY MARK MERUENAS
02/14/2008 | 10:59 AM

Email this | Email the Editor | Print | Digg this | Add to del.icio.us (Udpated 11:25 a.m.)
A couple died when a passenger bus rammed their Nissan Sentra vehicle Thursday morning in Tandang Sora village, Quezon City.Police authorities identified the fatalities as Kevin Alamag, 40, and his wife Abella Alamag, 46, residing in San Antonio village, QC.The police said that the male victim reportedly works as a pastor and was a rebel returnee.

Initial investigation showed that the two were about to turn right beneath the Tandang Sora flyover when a Nova passenger bus (TWL-703) traveling on the same lane hit them at about 9:30 a.m.The two fatalities were rushed to the Malvar General Hospital but were declared dead on arrival.

Bus driver Joseph Areno was quoted as saying he did not notice the victims' sedan making a right turn.Areno is now under police custody and will be facing charges of reckless imprudence resulting in double homicide, police authorities said.

READER'S FEEDBACK:
From: Robert Salazar in Pasig City, PhilsSent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 2:33 PM

I am very much concerned with how this government is actually handling the transport sector specifically the bus and jeep drivers. They are the most reckless people in this planet and I have had too many friends and acquaintance who have been victimized by how these drivers behave and drive on our streets.

I have been hit by a bus, my client's husband was stabbed by a reckless jeep driver now our pastor was killed by this bus driver. I also was driving my brand new car when I was hit by a jeep driver making a left turn while in the right most side of the road.

Mind you, I had at least 3 accidents caused by these jeep drivers.When will the law of the land stop these menacing drivers?I would probably be right in declaring that 90% of these drivers are unfit to drive and yet why do we entrust the transport business to irresponsible people. Is the life of he Filipino worth a dime and a nickel?Will somebody be bold enough to put a stop to these instead of just politicking?

From: Eliza Shih-Chiusinco in Pasig City, PhilsSent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 3:19 PM

Thank Mr. Meruenas for your update. Pastor Kevin Alamag is the Exalting Ministry pastor-in-charge of the Greenhills Christian Fellowship at Ortigas.

His wife works with the WordTeach. We are in grief but the Lord has better plan for them. Please continue to pray for their children and family.

From: Anonymous in Quezon City, Phils
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 5:01 PM

The accident in T. Sora could have been avoided kung di "sobrang" bilis ng Nova Bus.

I know how & what happened. I am willing to help the family of Mr. Alamag kung mag-pursue sila ng case. Please do not attach my address for my safety.

Thanks.

source: www.gmanews.tv

George Bush and the rain: What do they have in common?

2008-01-19T18:39:00.000+04:00

Answer: They both visited Dubai!! And if I may add, both caused some major chaos and a lot of roads closings.

MR. PRESIDENT'S ARRIVAL

A lot of actors and very famous people have been visiting Dubai. A lot are even staying in the resort I am working for. But never have I experienced someone who caused much turmoil as George Bush. His wife have stayed in our hotel about two months ago but more tahn the thight security, we barely felt her presence.

I was on local vacation and was supposed to come back to work last 14 January. I called up my supervisor to ask what time does he need me at work, not that I was excited about coming back ( oh no, please!) but just so the start of my year at work would be in order. Then I just found out that the whole of Madinat Jumeirah, actually the whole of Dubai was not in order at all. Bush would be staying in Burj Al Arab and the rest of his delegation in Madinat Jumeirah. To top that, they have closed all the roads near our hotel. 1)A part of the main road, Sheikh Zayed Road, was closed. That was like closing EDSA from Cubao to SM Megamall. 2)The whole of Jumeirah Road, the road in front of Burj Al Arab and Madinat Jumeirah was closed from 6 am to 6 pm. How could our guest go out of the resort? How can we go to work during our shifts? Hmm.. good questions! Answer to both is they could not. All our guests were advised to go out of the resort after the said timings or move to Emirates Tower, one of our hotels in the downtown area not affected by the road closings. And take this. All the employees who used to be coming to shift 7am or 3 pm has to come to work at 4:30 in the morning. Could you imagine that!? Sometimes, I wonder if people like George Bush could actually imagine how much does his presence affect people's lives. I mean one day visit and suddenly our world was shaken. Anyway, I feel bad for those people affected but luckily I wasn't. My supervisor said I can jsut take the day as my OFF. Hmm.. extended vacation..

IT'S RAINING, MAN!

The scarcity of raindrops in Dubai got a bit of excitement out of me. It was not like the typhoon with strong rain and wind that we always have in the Philippines. It was a very light downpour but a few days of continued rain was not really a good thing. Dubai was flooded, at least some areas. Could you imagine?! My colleague told me he phoned his mom back in Mumbai to tell her that it was currently flooded in Dubai and she was shocked in disbelief. Dubai, an emirate in the middle of desert is flooded?!Haha, what an irony but it happened. Thing is, this rain is something they are not so prepared of. The drainage system is so poor and there are some areas where there is no drainage system at all. Road have been inaccessible because of this. The few roads remaining were so congested. For two days in a row, I had to sit for 2 hours in the bus just to get to work and from work to my flat, which usually takes 15 minutes of my time. On the 4th day, after the rain stopped, a loty of workers have been dispersed to actually do some pumping thing to get water off the street.

Here are some pictures. Enjoy as you may never see them again. Im sure Dubai will do something about it. Maybe they will even make the grandest drainage system in the world. You know how ambitious this place is..

it rained!

2008-01-12T09:49:00.000+04:00

I barely slept last night.

I had to wake up at 6:30am for my morning chat with mom but 5am and I was still texting my colleague who just came back from his Philippine vacation.. Yehey, I have a pasalubong daw!..

I hugged myself as I exited the main door knowing that the temperature outside will be much colder than my building's AC. Well, that's an understatement. It was freezing!Aside from the winter wind, guess what?! It rained last night! (Or maybe just a strong fog) A rare occassion here in the UAE, you can count them with your fingers.. in one hand.

I looked out of the bus.. Hmm.. it's just so gloomy. Already 8am and not even a sign of sunshine. One cannot see anything on the sky except, well, the silhouette of Burj Dubai. Hay, gloomy days.. I just love them.. Anyway, with God's grace, I'll be home this August.. I'll have my share of gloomy days. A lot. Oh, and rainy days too..

The Evolution

2008-01-09T16:00:00.000+04:00

FIRST IMPRESSION

Kelan ba ako magsasawa sa squid balls? Mukhang di yata e. Buti na lang talaga at si Ate Fish Balls ay nakapuwesto mismo sa tapat ng Yakal. At buti na rin dahil si Ate Fish Balls ay nagtitinda rin ng squid balls.. pati na rin kikiam, kwek kwek, cheese sticks at hotdog..

Leslie 1: Leslie, Pumasok ka na sa Kwarto mo at doon mo na kainin yan. Habang kumakain, baka gusto mo na din simulan yun report mo. Di ba due na yun sa isang araw?
Leslie 2: Teka.. Teka lang.. Mamaya ka na pumasok. Kagagaling mo lang sa class tapos mag-aaral na naman. Break muna. Tsaka, tingnan mo o, 2:30 na. Di ba may pasok sya ngayon? Upo ka muna sa couch. Malay mo suwertehin ka pa at makita mo si crushie..

Oo nga naman, mamaya na ko papanhik mo? Dito muna ko sa couch. Hindi naman ako haharap sa pinto ng east wing 1 e.. im sure di naman ako mahahalata. Sana talaga makita ko today si A--... Wait! Bumubukas ba ang pinto? Bumubukas ang pinto! omigosh, okay lang kaya itsura ko? Baka naman mukha akong ngarag? Ngingitian ko ba? E papansinin ba nya ako? Baka naman magmukha lang akong engot!

Naku, ayan na lumalabas na siya. Aba, at nakablack sneakers sya ngayon, faded jeans, checkered polo(?), may dalang books at... mahabang payong!?! Sus , si Alfred lang pala. Akala ko naman...Aba, at mukhang nagmamadali ang lolo mo. Late na siguro. Nalalate din pala ito.. well, di ko naman siya kilala pero mukha lang kasi siyang goody goody. Sabi nila matalino daw. Mukha nga... At mukha rin siyang mabango. Hmmm.. mabango nga kaya siya? hehe..

Leslie 2: O wag mo nang pagnasaan. May gf na yata yan di ba? Yung lagi niyang kasamang girl from West Wing 2?
Leslie1: Para ngang gf niya. At saka, di naman siya type mo. Parang sobrang linis sa katawan. E di ba ang gusto mo yung rugged? Yung halos maligo na sa pawis kalalaro sa basketball court?

Excuse me! Para namang pinalalabas niyong mahilig ako sa mabaho. Kahit naman rugged, gusto ko din yung mabango no.. Speaking of which, mukhang wala na yatang balak magpakita ngayon yung mokong na hinihintay ko. makapasok na nga sa room. Gagawa na ba ako ng report? Hmmm, parang masarap munang matulog.

ANG HISTORY NG "ATE LES"

"Hi Ate Les!"

Sus , nakakagulat namang bumati itong si Alfred. Bigla na lang sumusulpot.

"Uy, Ate Les. Sample naman ng rampa dyan o."

Haha.. nakakatuwa talaga itong lalaking ito. Simula nung sumali ako sa fashion ek ek sa Kamia at Yakal, aba'y wala nang ibang alam sabihin pag nakikita ako kundi " sample naman ng rampa dyan o". At ang hindi ko pa maintindihan ay kung bakit tawag siya nang tawag sa akin ng 'Ate Les' Hello?! Ahead kaya siya sa akin ng 2 years no. mas matanda siya. Di naman siguro ako mukhang gurangutans, di ba?

Leslie1: Baka naman, nagpapacute lang sa'yo? Yihee..
Leslie2: Oo nga, baka nagpapacute.. Tsaka di naman pala niya gf si grace e. Best friends sila.

Magtigil nga kayo! Anong nagpapacute? Mabait lang talaga yung tao kaya laging namamansin. E di naman kami close kaya wala sigurong masabing iba kundi yun. Sakyan na lang natin ang trip niya.

" Anong Ate Les ka dyan? mas matanda ka po sa akin, KUYA Alfred.. haha.. Tsaka mas magaling kang rumampa no.. Dapat nga ikaw ang magturo sa akin dahil ikaw ang nanalo sa Faces , di ba?

THE APPRENTICE

Antok na antok na talaga ako. Hugasan ko lang itong pinagkainan ko ng pancit canton at matutulog na ko. BUkas na ang review.

"Hi Ate Les."
"Uy, hi grace.."

Minsan, nagugulat pa din ako pag nakikita ko si grace sa east wing 1. Taga west wing 2 kasi siya dati. Lumipat lang dito nitong sem. Best friend niya si Alfred which explains kung bakit 'Ate Les' din ang tawag niya sa akin.

Kakaiba din itong si grace. Parang lagi siyang hyper. Nakakatuwa siya kasi lagi siyang namamansin at lagi kang kukuwentuhan. Prang di niya alam yung word na 'mahiyain'.

" Uy, Ate Les, may tsika ako sa'yo."
"Talaga? Ano naman yun?..."
"Wala lang.. Basta may alam lang akong nagkakacrush sa'yo.. Uyy.."
" Haha.. sino naman?"
" Basta taga-diyan lang siya sa east wing 1. Naku, baka masabi ko pa kung sino. Sige na, Ate Les..Good night.."
"Ok, sige.. Good night."

Hay, palabiro talaga itong si Grace.
Leslie1: Palabiro? Malay mo naman kung meron nga?
Leslie2: Hindi kaya si...?

Naku, wala ng panahon para dyan. Antok na talaga ako..

ANG BDAY CELEB NI MIKE AT SUZANNE..BOW..

Ang himbing na ng tulog ni Pop. Kawawa naman ang roommate ko. Napagod siguro kanina. Kasi naman no, lahat yata ng games sinalihan.. Well, ako din naman sobrang nag-enjoy.. Okay talaga ang ang idea nila Mike at Suzanne ng joint bday celeb.. Andami ding mga taga east wing 1 na dumating.. Wala nga lang yung crush ko pero..pero..

Mahimbing pa din tulog ni Pop.. Nahiya tuloy ako kanina nung inamin ko sa kanya..
" Sige na, Ate Leslie, sabihin mo na sa akin kung sino yung nacucute-an mo kanina.."
" Hmm.. sige na nga.. sasabihin ko sayo pero wag ka maingay ha.."

Ayan, ang kulit kasi nitong batang ito, naamin ko tuloy. Pero talaga naman kasing parang may kakaiba sa kanya kanina.. Sobrang bagay sa kanya yung blue shirt na suot niya.. Ewan ko kung may deperensiya na yung mata ko pero para siyang naggoglow kanina sa shirt..At in fairness, mabango nga talaga siya.. hehe.. Tapos, kapag naghaharutan sila ni grace, parang ang sarap niyang panooring tumawa.. ang ganda pala ng ngipin niya.. at ang pula ng lips..

Leslie2: Wait, wait, wait... teka lang, sister.. I have a million dollar question here.. Crush mo na ba siya?

Crush?! Uy, iba naman yung crush sa nacucute-an no. Matulog na nga tayo!

Leslie1: Asus, ano pa ba bago.. Tulog naman lagi ang excuse mo pag gusto mo makalusot..

Kinaumagahan..

Toot toot... Toot toot..

Uy, may nagtext sa akin..

Gud am Leslie! e2 nga pala ung # ni alfred.
At bkt daw para kaung ngkakailangan kgbi?
- derf
+639163575253

si derf, ngtext gamit ang fone ni alfred. eto daw yung # ni alfred.. bakit, hinihingi ko ba? Nagkakailangan daw kami kagabi? Huh!? Di ko yata gets...

SEMBREAK

1st day ng sembreak at andito na ko sa bahay namin.. hay, looking back, sobrang makulay ang last days ng sem ko. i met new friends. isa na dun si grace. maaga kasing umuwi si pop sa province for sembreak at wala na din ang room mate ni grace kaya dun na lang siya sa room ko nagstay for almost 2 weeks. Sobrang sarap kasama ni grace. sobrang daming kwento. meron silang org ni lafred at iniinvite nila akong sumali. feeling ko nga, kilala ko na lahat ng tao sa upcym kahit di ko pa sila nakikita dahil sa mga kwento ni grace. Hmmm.. parang naexcite na akong magjoin next sem.

kapah hindi kinukwento ni grace ang buong UPCYM o ang kanyang lovelife, busy naman siya sa pagbuild up kay alfred. Sabi niya sa akin, kung hindi ko naman na daw crsuh yung crush ko e si alfred na lang. si lafred naman daw ay ganito, ganyan at lahat na ng magagandang puwedeng sabihin. In fairness nakikita ko naman yung mga sinasabi ni grace. mabait siya, matalino, masarap kausap, may sense of humor din, hmm, cute.. thoughtful at five thousand pogi points sya talaga sa pagkagentleman. kahapon, last day sa dorm. kahit magdamag siyang gising kagagawa ng project niya, sinamahan niya pa din akong maghintay sa sundo ko hanggang 7 pm!Nagkuwentuhan lang kami ng kung anu-ano. I have to admit na lahat ng pagbuilup ni grace ay umeepekto. Meron nga lang isang problema which I learned from grace din. He likes somebody else..

BANGUNGOT SA MAINLIB

I fell in love with the story nun pa lang una kong nabasa sa east wing 1 logbook. It was so honest sa emotions. And I, a huge fan of hopeless romatic stories, was touched. The I found out na siya pala ang sumulat ng 'Panaginip sa Mainlib". E di more pogi points na naman for him. What amazed me was how the story which he wrote maybe a year back actually came to life right in fornt of my eyes kanina. Well, of course except for the fact na nakatulog siya at nanaginip.

Alfred's unofficially a graduate. nagreresidency na lang. He's not even staying na sa dorm so hindi ko na siya madalas makita except sa pagsulpot sulpot niya sa UPCYM Bible Fellowship. So nagulat talaga kami ni grace nang makita siya sa lib kanina. There was some glow in his eyes which apparently brought dim to mine. And there it happened. Panaginip sa Mainlib.

Napaisip tuloy ako. Posible kaya na nung sinulat niya yung kuwento ay may namissed siyang isali na character? Yung character na nalulungkot dahil nakita siyang malungkot..

RUSTOM AND KEANNA (THE BIG REVELATION)

"Sige na Alfred, magkwento ka naman,"
"Ano naman ang ikukuwento ko?"
" kahit ano. Hmmm.. alam ko na. Ikuwento mo na lang yung 'date' mo last weekend. Uy, muling ibalik.."
"Sus, wala yun no.. Isipin mo na lang na closure lang yun.."

Period. Yun na yun.. Kumain na lang siya bigla. Kaasar talaga itong lalaking ito. Mukhang wala man lang akong makukuhang inside scoop. Nagyaya kasi siyang lumabas last weekend pero di puwede and work sked ko, Aba kamukat mukat mo ay natuloy din palang gumala ang lolo mo.. w/ Ms. Closure.. At wala man lang balak magkuwento.. Hmpft! Bitin na naman ang.. o well.. pagkatsismosa ko.Pero syempre naman no, this is just my way of catching up sa kanila..Sobrang busy na kasi sa work ang mga UPCYM friends ngayon kaya bihira na magkasamasama. Unlike nung college days na halos inseparable lahat from sunrise to the next sunrise..Pero pag may time nagmemeet pa din naman kami lalo na pag may mga events . Gaya na lang ng latest UP fair.. Hay, kakukulit pa din..

Gaya din ng ginagawa namin ni Alfred ngayon. Simple gala, kain lang at catching up..although mas nakakasama ko siya kesa sa iba. Who would have thought d ba? I mean, ilang buwan ko ding pinagdasal kay Lord si Alfred dati nung bago ko pa lang natutunan sa UPCYM na pag may gusto kang hingin kay Lord, puspusan mong ipagpray. So, I did. At hindi ko na din alam ang dahilan but one day, I just stopped. And then I moved on.

" Ate Les, tapos ka nang kumain? Starbucks tayo.."
" Ok. tara.."

...

"Oist, napanood mo ba yung PBB? Yung umamin si Rustom kay Keanna?"

ito ang gusto ko sa mga kwentuhan moments with Alfred e. Kahit ano pede niyong pagusapan. Mula sa mga scientific ek ek na nakakanosebleed hanggang sa mga plain ek ek lang..

" HIndi nga e.. Pero kinuwento sa akin.. Haha.. may paru-paro effect pa daw e.."
" Ano e.. may aamininn din sana ako.."
" Don't tell me bading ka..?!?"
" Hindi. Ano ka ba?"
" E ano nga kasi. Gusto mo bang umihi muna ako sa likod ng halamanan parang si Keanna? Haha.."

Nakakatawa yun, di ba? Imagine hahanap pa talaga ako ng halamanan sa Shangri La Mall..Haha.. Aba at di man lang natawa itong si Alfredo. Mukhang seryoso yata.

" Sige umihi ka muna.. Ay hindi, ako na lang pala ang iihi.."

...

" O ano, ayos ba yu ng pagweewee mo? Ano ba yung sasabihin mo?"
" Ate Les, lumipat na lang tayo ng table. Dun na lang tayo sa sulok para di maingay."
"Huhh.. Ahh.. sige.."

Sabi ng isang classmate ko nung high school, ang mga lalaki daw, nagtatry talaga sila na maging romantic yung moment na nagtatapat sila ng feelings sa babaeng gusto nila. Yung tipong, okay yung ambiance, nakakakilig yung lines. Pero sa sobrang kaba, nagmumukha na lang silang engot. Alfred was not an exception. Para lang plemang maiharap ilabas ang mga salitang sinabi niya sa akin. Para siyang najejebs na pinagpapawisan at di mapakali. Di ko na din malaman kung paano nga ba biya nasabi lahat at kung ano ang inireact ko sa bawat sinabi niya..E ni hindi ko nga macontain ayung puso ko sa sobrang bilis ng tibok.. Akala ko sasabog yung dibdib ko sa sobrang, kaba, excitement.. at oo, saya...

Di ko sure ha, pero parang sinabi niya yatang MAHAL NIYA AKO!!!??!!

THE REST IS HISTORY

21 months after naging kami and here i found myself still as crazy about him as day one. i always smile whenever i would reminisce about that fateful night in Tagaytay nung naging kami.. Di ko na ikukuwento but im sure it went down to history as one of the corniest line ever told by a girl in an attempt to romanticize saying "yes" to a would-be boyfriend. masyado siyang corny, wala akong balak ishare. I made the mistake of telling too much details to my then-housemates and I had to endure their teasings for weeks..

alfred and i just finished our chat dates na isa sa mga nilolook forward namin lagi since I moved here in Dubai. i really wanted the chat to be today para pagsalubong sa birthday niya. Birthday niya bukas. It is indeed a day to celebrate! Pano ka ba naman di magiging thankful e yun yung araw na pinanganak yung taong nagiinspire sa yo sa araw-araw. Nakakatuwang isipin kung pano kami nagevolve from being strangers to friends to close friends to a couple. too bad, i wont be there tomorrow to celebrate his birthday with him. but as we always say, our love goes beyond the distance.. and i have alittle something para sa kanya tomorrow.. shhh.. secret lang ha.. sana masurprise siya..

lalala.. i'm going to sing again..lalala..

2007-09-07T18:03:00.000+04:00

THE!!! (this is extremely funny)

2007-08-14T08:00:00.000+04:00

We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.

(received this via email.)

A choir story that turned to be about something else..

2007-08-09T04:58:00.000+04:00

Dear Madinat Jumeirah Colleagues,

Yes it’s that time of year when we start to plan Christmas and in keeping with the Christmas spirit there will once again be a Choir for Madinat Jumeirah.

If you would like to be a part of the Choir then we will be holding auditions on the following days in the Madinat Theater:

Monday 13th August from 3pm – 5pm
Wednesday 15th August from 3pm – 5pm

Feel free to turn up at any time between 3pm and 5pm with your best singing voice.

***

It was half past 3 in the morning (arghh, I’m doing graveyard again!) when this mail popped in my outlook. I was already three-fourths sleeping but the mail triggered the remaining awake cells in my body.

Choir. Ahh.. just a mention of the word always brings me down the memory lane..back to the good ol’ days.

I never wanted to be a part of a choir. When I was in high school, I thought it was so totally geek. Why join a choir when I can do solo? I know what you are thinking. I certainly do not have a voice capable of doing solo. I know that too, but as what friends have told me, I had this star quality in me (a.k.a. kapal muks quality) that always wanted to shine among the rest. So I thought of a contingency- join a band. But when you’re in high school and everyone’s striving to be branded cool, the easiest way to go was the road that leads to metal rock genre. That’s not me, not my type of enjoyable music.

So one day, I just found myself with my little friends (literally, as we were just little then) in Mrs. Marin’s music room. That was the start of my High School Glee Club story. And the rest is history ( History means HImig Yakal and UPCYM Choir).

***

It’s now 4:20. Almost an hour now that I’ve been singing in the Majlis (Reception to the non Arabic). Thank God my guests are all sleeping and the guards have not been making their rounds because I just turned this reception area to a mini music theater and reminisce the Awitan songs..I really love Ngayon. It was sooo grand! But I have to say I really hate this Tattooed On My Mind. I mean, half of the song, the sopranos were just singing do-do-do-do in different pitches because the altos, for the very first time, got to sing the melody (I told you, kapal muks quality). And who would not enjoy the love songs? Beginning Today, Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin, Ikaw… Haay… Can’t help but think of how I innocently adored my crushes in college.. And of course, the worship songs and how we would sing it everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE.. In church, Ian’s house, Melvin’s car, tambayan, isawan, while walking in UP, in McDo, in Jollibee, in that resto near the UP swimming pool (I forgot the name!) in Katips, in the library (yes, in the library. I said everywhere, right?).. But Christmas songs have always been my favorite. The Santa Claus Is Coming to Town and its very cute choreography, the songs of Sambang Umaga and the breakfast after which was one big motivation to wake up early. (We have to admit it, guys). The dramatic Pasko Na Sinta Ko..

Shaks, this reminiscing thing is beginning to be bad. Can’t help but thinking that this Christmas is going to be my first Christmas away from home. I remember when I was watching With Honors (one of my fave films), I told myself I want to experience a Christmas away from home as that of Brendan Fraser’s character. You might be asking why on earth. You see, I've outgrown the kapalmuks quality but I have to mention that I also have this Sucker of Pain disease whose main symptom is having a want to experience some heartbreaking emotions life has to offer but actually fearing it when it shows possibility of occurrence. And that is what’s happening to me now and my first Christmas away from home which is bound to happen four months from now. Yeah, I know, Christmas’ spirit is more than this and hopefully in God’ will, I will not be alone this Christmas but the fact that my home’s Noche Buena table will just have 3 plates instead of four is really a sad thought.

I told you, this reminiscing thing is beginning to be bad and not so healthy. Nonetheless, I am still hoping for everyone’s Christmas to be merry..

And yeah, I will go for that choir audition...

for the love of my life....

2007-07-29T18:17:00.000+04:00

I COULD NOT ASK FOR MORE
Sara Evans

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smile just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
And these are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything in me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
And these are the moments
I know all I need is this
I've found all I've waited for, yeah
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
Yeah

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
And these are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Oh, here with you here with me
No, I could not ask for more
Than this love you gave me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
No, yeah
No, I could not ask for more

now if that's not yet enough, here's a version from Edwin McCain with a video you would surely love..

i love you.. i know you know that...

Leslie & Belle: The Reunion Part 2

2007-06-26T20:57:00.000+04:00

Belle is now here in Dubai. She arrived at the DXB airport at around 11:10 pm of 23 June and at 1am of 24 June, she arrived at her Oasis Village accommodation. By 3am, there was an overly-excited me searching for her room. Walking the corridors of her block reminded me so much of our almost inseparable dormitory days.

When I finally found her, as expected, there were no traces of the 6 months we have not seen each other. We were giddily jumping like high school girls.We tried to have an early breakfast in between our stories but stories proved their importance as we were not able to consume our food. Then we made a call to her family. That was the only time I heard Tita Thelma cry, asking me to take care of her daughter. Of course I will even without anyone asking me to. Belle and I have been there for each other in numerous instances and we plan to keep it that way. Besides, I will always be gratefully indebted to the Pajarillaga family when they helped me during my Ufreshies enrollment period. Belle and I were just 16 then. I could not go to UP as my family did not have money for my fare to Manila. I did not need to pay my tuition dues being part of the STFAP scholarship, but at that point in time, no fare money means no UP. I already said my goodbyes to Belle and decided to stay back and study in our province. But God sent the Pajarillagas like angels and lent my family some money. So I could say if not for them, I would have not been to UP, never met the people I know and never experienced the life I had. Maybe I will not even be here in Dubai trying to eat my oven-heated cheese roll.

By 6 am, we were already among the early birds iin Madinat Jumeirah waiting for the bus to transfer us to my place. While waiting, a photoshoot of Belle's first few hours in Dubai took place..

View of the Burj Al Arab at her back *** Belle at Fort Island, madinat Arena

The Mina A' Salam "harbour of peace" *** Souk Ampitheatre and the abra display

entry way to Mina A' Salam

Leslie & Belle:The Reunion ( ooohh, this is scary)..

2007-06-18T20:19:00.000+04:00

5 tulog na lang at darating na si Belle sa Dubai..Di pa rin ako makapaniwala.. Gaya nga ng sabi ni Arvin, wala na yata kaming balak maghiwalay na dalawa. To think na part lang ito dati ng mga daydream sessions namin. Pangarap naman namin talaga na mag-abroad together at sabay na mageexplore ng buhay. Actually, London talaga target namin o kaya Paris. London dahil andun yung Tita niya at saka para baka sakaling makita namin si Prince William o baka makakita kami ng sarili naming prince na blue-eyed at w/ British accent pa. O kaya, Paris kasi romantic daw dun tsaka gusto namin masagot si Paolo Santos kung "Does the moonlight shine on Paris after the sun goes down? haha, babaw namin no pero okay lang pangarap lang naman e.. Tapos gusto din namin dati na magwork sa Disneyland HongKong. Akalain mo, gusto pa namin magcrash course ng Mandarin dati para lang matanggap kami..para kaming mga high school na kinikilig sa sobrang excitement habang naghahanap kami ng dictionary sa Powerbooks.. and to think professional na dapat kami umasta nyan kasi last year lang yan.. tapos pag marami na kaming pera, magbubusiness kami ng clothing line.. naglalakad kami sa Glorietta habang nag-iisip ng brand name na gagamitin namin. syempre gusto naming may initials namin. then we came up with "Lesbian" with the tag line "it's fun being a girl".. hehe..

Bago ako umalis, binigyan niya ako ng diary. Makakalimutin daw kasi ako. At least kung recorded lahat ng events ng aking life dito sa Dubai, wala akong makakalimutang ikuwento sa kanya pag nagkita na kami ulit. Pagdating niya dito, magsususlat pa din ako sa diary na bigay niya dahil it does not change the fact na makakalimutin ako pero at least maikukuwento ko na sa kanya personally ang mga kagagahang ginagawa ko dito. Actually, baka nga di ko na kailanganing ikuwento kasi for sure, kasali siya sa mga kagagahang iyon.

as i always said, Dubai has been good to me.. but im sure, it's gonna be much much better with belle around...

Filipinos the nicest people I’ve met

2007-04-22T19:11:00.000+04:00

I was cleaning my room yesterday when I found a torn page of an old newspaper ( 7Days, one of Dubai's tabloids) in one of my drawers. I purposely kept it as the contents make me proud. I just learned today that the article sparked a buzz and had been a hot topic.. let me share it here. this might make you proud of our people..

Filipinos the nicest people I’ve met
Published on: Sunday, 14th January, 2007

I read ‘Cool Hand Luke’s’ letter about Filipinos being Dubai’s nicest people and it really struck a cord. I have no idea what Filipino’s do (or eat!) to retain such a sunny disposition while suffering hardship (as many of them do) but they are indeed a truly fantastic bunch of people.
In four years of being in Dubai I think of all the drivers who have cut me up on the roads and none of them have been Filipino. I think of all the people who have tried to rip me off in some way and none of them have been Filipino. I think of all the disgusting people who spit and pick their nose in public and none of them have been Filipino.Filipinos have a dignity, pride and code of living that they can truly be proud of and which the rest of the world can look up to.
Nigel Whittaker
Umm Suqeim

This did not end here as Nigel's view certainly struck a familiar cord with many other readers, who have flooded the paper with letters of praise for the Filipinos they have come across here in Dubai, with many asking for the secret to our apparent happiness that we seem to carry with us as we go to work. The newspaper company was kind enough to publish some other reactions. and as they put it, no sender seemed to disagree with this claim.here's one example:

Praise of Filipinos is very deserved
Published on: Monday, 15th January, 2007

I would like to second the opinion of Nigel and ‘Cool Hand Luke’ about Filipinos. I never had a Filipino friend or acquaintance, but its hard to ignore how friendly and chivalrous they are. I travel by municipality bus a lot, and usually see men occupying the seats reserved for Ladies. Once a man refused to move out even when requested by the driver. On the other hand, Filipino men gladly vacate their seats for women though they are sitting in the unreserved section. I have been shamed into doing it myself after watching them couple of times. Filipinos never push and jostle while trying to get into the bus and try to be in a queue as much as possible. I am yet to come across a rude Filipino, though Dubai has struck me as a city of exceptionally rude people. They are the only people who still remember the golden words ‘Please’, and ‘Thank You’.
hope my countrymen would take a leaf out of their book and try to be nice to others.
Viva la Pinoy!

Abi Sultan
Dubai

hmm... although i'd say we have a share of not-so-good-attitude bearing people from the land of thousand islands, i'd say, this makes me proud of the ones who have been in dubai earlier than me. and yes, quite big shoes to fill in for newbies like me..

2007-02-13T17:05:00.000+04:00

for the man who has been giving me all the good reasons to celebrate Valentine's day!...

from dubai with love

2007-01-14T17:06:00.000+04:00

2006 is a year of surprises for me. of course the biggest suprise is alfred. but just when i thought the year that was had given me enough of a surprise, then came dubai.. i left last dec 28 and yes, i was not able to spend the new year home. instead, i was watching the magnificent dubai fireworks thinking about the lusis i should have lighted if i were home.

today is exactly my 18th day here. but the days seem to be longer than they are suppose to last. a lot of new things, new people, new places..

so far, i could say dubai has been so good to me. my job is ok. i am working for a very beautiful hotel resort where everywhere i look at is amazing. Madinat Jumeirah is fantastic and one of its kind. plus the fact that i work with over 90 nationalities. people im with are also okay. i have a lot of Kabayans around me. i have met my former IHG officemates and had a fine evening with Josh and his friends. my accommodation is great. i am sharing a room with a Filipina as well and i dont think the swimming pool in front of my flat would hurt at all. financially? err.. im working on it. Starting in a new place has always been full of challenges and of course, paychecks here come out monthly. but the Lord has been providing for resources and ways to survive until my most awaited pay day.

the biggest challenges of them all is (surprise! surprise!) .. missing home. it is a weird feeling of longing i do not even want to describe it. the things i saw in movies about the life of OFWs are true. They work hard not just to earn enough money to send home but to make themselves busy. busy enough to feel homesick. now that im one of them, id say OFWs are really worthy to be branded as Bagong Bayani not just because they help the economy a lot but more of the strength, courage and faith they put up everyday.

It is till a long journey ahead of me. but i have always been reminded that this is a blessing I prayed for, my family prayed for, alfred prayed for, my friends prayed for because we know that this is for a better future. im holding on.. taking each day at a time.. the love and support im getting is enough to keep me going each day..

the team that was...

2006-11-16T06:31:00.000+04:00

How ironic it is to say that we went to Holiday Inn Galleria last 04 November to do a team building when we are no longer in one team.. oh well, what the heck, all we wanted to do is to spend the budget provided and spell fun our way!!

Destination 1: Hotel's penthouse to discuss enrollment incentive and the Opera system

Class Picture 1
(standing):Mark, Nino, Will, Anthony (seated): Pat, Mwah, Lee, Raech, Ann, Peachy
Nino, gising.. huy, maya ka na matulog, magpipicture pa tayo.. Anthony, musta naman dyan? galaw-galaw, baka mastroke.. or nastroke ka na nga..hehe

Class Picture 2: with the hotel employees

Destination 2: Tiendesitas to bond with the hotel employees, listen to the bands and digest those sisig.. hmm.. yum yum!!

a segment of our very long table

Destination 3: barOne, a sports bar, 4th flr of the hotel

Cheers!

Round 1divine , ramah, christy, peachy, ann, will, raech, moi, lee
>
Centerpiece: featuring Ramah and the magic horse..haha

The Magic horse, Patweetums Lee and the girls.. nyay, andyan ka pala jap!

Destination 4: Hotel room 912

As far as I know we booked a 2 double bed suite with whirlpool ( of course, under the employee rate), pero as usual, pag picture taking, siksikan sa isang kwarto.. (photos at around 5 am)

ramah's vanity taking over her ; jap + divine = japine: the original love team

and for the following, i'd say blame it to the beer.. or come to think of it, this is just unleashing the mark within.. haha

All in all, i'd say this was fun fun fun!!!

birthday girl

2006-10-01T10:37:00.000+04:00

Once upon a time , a little angel was sent to Earth to bring smiles to a lot of faces...

two-week old baby leslie.. grabe, ang tisay! haha.. ang cute no!! ang liit-liit ko...

...with the tender love and care of her parents, she grew up to be a smart little kid...

mommy and me with my bukol sa noo..(in fairness, ganda ni mommy no?..)

... with so much talents and wit...

nice fashion sense huh?.. hehe..

... and the potential of being the next supermodel!!! ( haha!! just look at the pic)
:
yeah, thanks mom, great hair.. grr.. and of course, my to-die-for yellow bathing suit...

Today, she just turned 23, not a supermodel, neither a singer, nor a teacher or any of her parents' frustrations for her , but continuously trying to bring smile to a lot of faces especially to those putting smile to hers.

Bottom line is ....

i just wanna show my baby pics!!!.. these are just few..some are too obscene to be posted.. hehe.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

beyond tuna & manny pacquioa: a journal of many firsts & various discoveries

2006-09-20T13:47:00.000+04:00

the wanderlust in me have always, always wanted to go to Mindanao, well, to finally claim that I've travelled the Philippines (thanks to upcym for bringing me to bohol!). finally, it was granted this year when I was given not only a chance to finally set foot in Gen. Santos City but also with a boyfriend to tag along and to provide lodging. well, this is not exactly the trip i always had in mind, definitely not the adventure-seeking barkada fun full of beach hoppings and nightlife. aside from the Tuna Festival, the real purpose of my visit is yes, to finally meet the Joses. i always believed that my slender frame has been housing a huge confidence (read: kapalmuks ako) but the idea of meeting my boyfriend's clan is really chickening the sh*t out of me. every girl put in my shoes would surely understand where i was coming from. a picture of a court hearing was getting more and more vivid in my dreams as the calendar approaches our departure date. "People of General Santos City vs. Leslie Tayao". yeah right, so much of a home court advantage here.

my inner circle, aware of the reason for my travel, was very supportive. my office buddies had been a great rah-rah team. two of my favorite girls, belle and katre, had been feeding me instructions on how to dress, to smile, to react, what are the things to say and the things to never ever (ever!)say. my mom, although nervous about this travel reminded me to be a good girl and asked Alfred to really take care of me. michelle, my dearest sister, was.. uhmm, well, overly excited is an understatement. and my boyfriend, when he's not busy bombarding me with abu sayyaf threats much to his satisfaction, had been cooperative when i did my little research of the things to expect from his family (how they are like, their likes and dislikes, etc.)... with all these packed in my luggage, i'd say i was ready to go and meet these people:

MOTHER
Plus factor: already met her at a dinner during her last trip to Manila. if my assumptions are right, we got along well.
Fear factor: As they always say, "never assume." and try imagining this - once in gensan, the air i would breath, the grounds i would walk on, the food i would eat are all part of her household. if the idea of your existence being in the hands of one person does not scare you, i dunno what does. and haller?! who never gets afraid of the mother?!?

FATHER
Plus factor: okay, the gameplan here is to use the same charm i used on the son.
Fear factor: if it does not work, i need Divine Intervention to find a contingency.

BROTHER
Plus factor: hopefully, the Divisoria trip with Alfred to search for the brother's wedding souvenir set for December 2006 was an investment for a good impression.
Fear factor: Siblings, they say, are the ones who do most of the interrogations.. nyay..

SISTER
Plus factor: she's in new york! yahoo...
Fear factor: actually, the thought of meeting her is the one giving me the coldest feet but at least i do not have to deal with her now.

RELATIVES/FRIENDS/NEIGHBORS
Plus factor: just smile, smile, smile. at least i will not stay in the same house with them.
Fear factor:They are usually the ones with more comments and can notice the littlest details.

DAY 1:Saturday, 02 September, 2 am
Our flight is at 8am. that would mean we have to leave the house by 6 am. that would mean we have to start fixing ourselves by 5 am. that would mean i have to wake up at 430 to prepare breakfast. the butterflies in my stomach are already in their full force and i swear they are driving me nuts. and so the anxiety of an empty stomach is definitely not an option. and so does the dizziness due to lack of sleep. e bakit ba kasi naman di ako makatulog!?!! arghh.. nakakaiyak na itoh...alfred, gumising ka dyan, uy!tulungan mo ako..

0730am
Alfred: "Okay, baby, this is the Ninoy Aquino International Airport!!"
Eh kung sapakin ko kaya itong lalaking ito?! At inassume pa ang trabaho ng pagiging tour guide ko.. Haler! ok, this is my first time to set foot in a plane but i have been to the airport no! FYI, im a tourism kiddo and travelling the ins and outs of the airport was part of my curriculum. 30 minutes from now, i'll be in that Boeing 737...waah!!! sooo excited! okay, time for some picture taking, plane watching and some airplane lessons with Alfred. His passion and knowledge of the airplanes are really impressive, i must say.

0933am
""Sa ilang sandali po lamang ang ating eroplano ay lalapag na sa paliparan ng Cebu."...
my first time in Cebu! woohoo! keber na kung hanggang airport lang naman ako. at hindi pa bumaba ng eroplano..at least if someone asks if i have been to Cebu, i can say :
LESLIE: yeah, i've been there once.. ( wink!)
SOMEONE (amazed): really?! have you seen the Magellan's Cross?
LESLIE: no e. that's far from where i was. i was not able to really roam around e. but i have travelled gensan. nice pala the place.. ( o di ba, change topic na agad..hehe..)

my first plane landing. I'd say, i wasn't really satisfied. well, contrary to the other passengers, Alfred included, i'm really hoping for a turbulence-filled ride but i know, Captain Pilot would not give me the satisfaction. before this flight, the highest place i've been above ground is EK's space shuttle or condor (whichever is higher). both really satisfied the adventure seeker in me to the point of almost vommiting my stomach out of my mouth. but not this flight. so disappointed..

12:10 pm
yellow gate. tall flowers at the sides. the sun directly above my head. boyfriend knocking at the gate. Mrs. Jose running towards the gate. gosh,THIS IS IT!!after a 30-minute taxi ride from the airport (fyi: may taxi sa gensan), im finally here in front of their home. "Lord help! Bigyan niyo po ako ng lakas." The last thing I would need is to faint right here, right now, on this ground. Cannot be, im wearing white.

02:45 pm
one of the longest lunch i had. and one of the most sumptuous..i'm so busog! who can say no to sugpo, crabs, inihaw na pusit, kinilaw na tuna, manggang hinog, macaroni salad and super laughter-filled kwentos. (hopefully this is not another case of death row wherein the person in line is given the priviledge of eating a feast-like meal.)

well, i finally met the family. tita geline, tito fredo, kuya jun, ate jing (the cousin), kuya raymond (ate jing's hubby). Tita, has been her usual funny, full of kwento, maasikaso mother. Kuya Jun, is the ever kulit, always smiling, easy-to-please brother. Ang kulit nito, promise! haha.. Tito Fredo, contary to my first impression of a tahimik dad, gave me the history of General Santos City when we were left with each other in the sala.

Short history: Alfred's lolo, Mr. Castor Jose, was a colleague of Gen. Santos himself and was part of the group from Batangas who travelled all the way to Gen. Santos during the war (of course, it wasn't called Gen Santos City then). According to Tito Fredo, the place was all trees and bushes and the group didn't know exactly how to make a living. because of this, some people went back to Luzon. but some, including Mr. Castor Jose, opted to stay. together, they cleared up the place, and formed a living (farm, fishing, etc..). and the rest is history. this decision of Mr. Jose got himself one of Gensan's street to his name and made Alfred part of the First Sons and Daughters of Gen Santos City.

DAY 2:Sunday, 03 September, 2 am
finally, i'll be able to sleep. the big day was over. The previous night was fun, another wonderful dinner. This time, it was more intimate with just me, Bhoyet (Alfred's nickname), Tito Fredo and Tita Geline. Another FYI, "tinola" in Gensan is not the same chicken in soup with papaya we are accustomed with in Luzon. it's fish in soup with cabbage and tomatoes. it tasted good and watching Alfred consumed it told me he really missed tinola, Gensan's version. Well, this was quite expected of him by his parents as he was the "tagalinis ng mesa". That is, he is the official taga-ubos ng ulam.

While watching Philippine Idol, i dug into the pile of photo albums. i swear, this family has a lot of pictures carefully put together by Tita Geline. And much to my satisfaction, I've seen so many pictures of Alfred when he was all skin and bones. nonetheless, he got himself a Mr. United Nations crown representing India!! (he would kill me for this..hehe)

We had more bonding just before bed time when Tita Geline gave me and Alfred the story behind each and every jewelry piece she has. Long after Alfred has gone to bed at the next room, ( yes, i'll be sleeping with his mom! ( nyay).. while Tito stayed at the far end room...nyay), Tita and I are still up until wee hours doing our own version of a girl talk.

0550 am
after just 3 hours of sleep, I am here in my first tricycle ride in Gensan with only Tita Geline. Alfred was extremely sick with a headache and a very bad stomach. maybe the tinola or the kinilaw did it. He still managed though to remind his mom to not take her usual Sunday stopovers aka chikahans with churchmates/kumares/neighbors.

0700 am
When i was younger, my mom always scolded me whenever i would not listen to the priest's sermon. so i always do. and for this service, i'd say im all ears but never understood a word. It's a Cebuano mass, for crying out loud! i have been well-Exposed to Bisaya friends and i really understood them whenever they would do the alien talk but when this priest left the pulpit, the people were laughing and i was like "what exactly happened?"

10:00 am
Tita Geline and I are two hard-headed girls. Despite Alfred's reminder to skip all the after-service chikas, we went home past 9am (Note: church is a 10-minute walk from their house). I met all the kumares, and we had our all-girls strolling on the way home carrying the bags of kakanin we bought outside the church. It was an almost nice morning if only Alfred is better. but he is still sick and can't get out of bed. This is the first time i've seen him like this. okay, second. first time was in Bohol and it was horrible. seeing him in pain is a scene i could not bear because i do not have any idea on how to help. hindi puwedeng masahihin ang ulo kasi slightest touch is masakit. di puwedeng pakainin kasi isusuka. at parang walang epekto ang gamot! Gosh, ano ba ang gagawin ko sa taong ito? good thing, his mother, who had seen him worse than this, was more composed than me. hope he gets better...

0700 pm
Another purpose of this trip is for Alfred to be present in his kuya's pamamanhikan. good thing the siesta we had did a little better for Bhoyet. not for me. my head is really starting to get heavy but i really don't wanna miss this event. so here we are, all packed in kuya raymond's adventure with food bought from KCC, one of Gensan's malls. (may mall pala sa gensan? haha.. and i really thought i was inside sm). off we go now to the house of ate chris, kuya jun's soon-to-be better-half.

0900 pm
a surprise discovery i had from this trip is the knowledge that my boyfriend has his own fans' club here in Gensan. There are ladies working for Kuya Jun who used to be so into Sam Milby but when they saw Alfred in one of his previous visits, dumped Sam Milby and went gaga over the "kaguwapo gyud" Kuya Bhoyet. As per Kuya Jun, they would always tell him, "Sige na Kuya Jun, paagtoha dinhi si Kuya Bhoyet pero dili iuban si Lisli." (Sige na Kuya Jun, papuntahin mo na dito si Kuya Boyet pero wag isama si Leslie.) haha.. nice one, girls..in fairness, kulang na lang ay banner. they were really so kilig just as Bhoyet entered the door. wow, lucky me. im actually with a hearthrob.. what can i say? it seems i'm not the only one mesmerized..

DAY 3: Monday, 04 September 2006 0200 pm
Today is a more relaxed day than the first two. Finally, I was able to sleep for at least more than 4 hours. actually, we all woke up a little late. Not much activities for today. everyone has hyped down from the pamamanhikan jitters. and yes, i have my own sigh of relief from the load i have been carrying since the day alfred bought our plane tickets in april. Thank God, at least I am luckier than Sarah Jessica Parker in the movie The Family Stone. her only consolation is she had hunky Luke Wilson with her..

i am comfortably alone here in the sala doing one of the things i dare not miss in this Gensan trip - watch Alfred's copy of Faces 2002!! this is so much fun and so nostalgic. I even saw myself in the video singing with the Himig Yakal, serenading the candidates. Their dogs, Sam (the more loving and friendly) and KC (finally, she is not barking at my every move) have been watching me as I enjoy every bit of the video.. i could not get any more proud!

1130 pm
We got to roam around the city. Tita Geline, Bhoyet and I went back to KCC to do some malling, went to the plaza and windowshop at the stalls, bought durian, walis tambo and orchids, and watched the fireworks. Bhoyet is finally completely okay and is back to his kulit mode! uy congratulations nga pala baby, may traffic light na pala kayo sa gensan.. haha..that we discovered on our way back to KCC for Alfred's traditon of a big-time grocery for his family..

we really need to sleep now. everything is already prepared for tomorrow. We'll be going to the beach!!! yahoo.. im so excited to get some tan!

DAY 4: Tuesday, 05 September 2006, whole day
Glan, Sarangani. BEACH day! so fun..

DAY 5: Wednesday, 06 September 2006, 0500 pm

im in the comfort of my own bed, in my own room, in my own apartment, reminiscing the 5 days i just had in that place so many miles away from me now.. i hate moments like this when i am feeling so melodramatic. i swear the cheesy part of me just sucks big time. im just so mushy now but i cant't help it. i hate goodbyes. just like this day which has its share of happy and heartbreaking moments. it gave me some time to savor my remaining moments in Gensan and at the same time, it will forever bear memories of unwanted riddance.

The 3 "I Will Miss You The Most" Awardees

SAM (aka Sam-Sam, MuyMuy)
He is sooo adorable.. before we've met, I always wonder what is it about this dog why Alfred is just so into him. Now I know. Grabe, sama agad siya nung unang dating ko palang sa bahay! at kung saan ang tsismis, andun siya!.. haha.. of course, we had our own bonding moments - early morning jogging, watching tv together and our photo shoot. ( in fairness, artista o!)

TITA GELINE
Well, I can only say all good things about her. She made it a point to never make me feel alienated. She really took great care of me. I just can't thank her enough, and Tito Fredo as well, for the duration of my stay, they didn't just offer me their house but their home.

BHOYET
the five days of being together 24/7 is over... aaww...
i learned here that despite being friends for years, there's still so much to know about Alfred. im just amazed of what i know now and so excited of the things i yet to discover. for me, this trip is like opening an old chest. and yes, inside i found a treasure...

viajo por avión (meet the joses edition)

2006-08-31T10:57:00.000+04:00

I am not excited for this.. NO!not at all..

I AM NOT EXCITED.. I AM NOT EXCITED.. I AM NOT EXCITED!!!! waaahh..

ok, honestly , I am... and so nervous, too... but come what may,

here i come...

be humble and be happy

2006-08-09T10:29:00.000+04:00

I was trying to clear up my outlook this morning when I came accross this email I received during the earlier days of my so-called professional life. So-called in a sense that there are still days I feel I'm just doing some role playing instead of the real tough big, big business world. I am actually not sure if that is good or otherwise.

anyway, just wanna share this one as it really had a hit on me. Not that I have so many things to brag about except perhaps for my sincere friendship, unconditional love, deep faith and an innocent desire for all good things for mankind. I am just another average Jane Doe even if I may appear to some as almost perfect too good to be true(haha). after reading this one, I surely stopped bragging about how great I am. ( i guess I have to do some rereading.. haha)

no, seriously, please read, digest and let's all try to make this place and this life a little better...

It can often be tempting to let other people know about your recent accomplishments. But resist the temptation to brag. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone or convince anyone of your worth as a human being. Bragging may alienate people or make them jealous. People often view bragging as an
insecure appeal for acceptance. When you try to prove yourself, you may find people avoiding you.

Instead, enjoy your own accomplishments and let them foster your self-confidence. By foregoing the need to brag or seek acceptance, you gain inner peace. When people find out about your accomplishments on their own, they will probably have a much higher opinion of you. Practice humility and find out how much better you feel.

why the world loves Superman

2006-07-15T08:59:00.000+04:00

if i'll be asked to name my childhood hero, i'ts more likely that i'll give the name of my dad or Shaider, the pulis pangkalawakan, than mention Superman (of course, that would be omitting Allan Caidic from the options or Vince Hizon or anyone who has something to do with basketball as that would require a different story and i swear you won't be able to make me stop).

the latest Superman flick is actually my first ever encounter with the Man of Steel. so I only had a little idea of the vastness of his power and didn't know exactly what to expect. all i know is that he is "super" and the mere adjective told me his power is something one cannot underestimate. of course, i was able to see some of the boob tube portrayals in Smallville but that was a much younger Clark, still cocooning in his teenage dillemmas, discovering himself, not yet fully bloomed. and as much as i would want to concentrate on the story, Tom Welling's eyes were way too distracting! and I can't help but think of how he resembles a high school classmate one could mistake for a Greek god (who happened to be my ballroom partner in 3rd year PE. well, you could just imagine the envious stares..)

blame it to my Superman-crazy movie buddy who made me watch the film twice in a week. the second one was in Imax (to view the 3D effects) . the first one was 6 days earlier (just because we simply could not wait for the Imax version). oh and i would have to mention that he watched it 3 times that week (as far as I know) with home viewing of the earlier version VCDs in between.

office is no different. the men turned themselves into crazy little boys after watching it. you could really pinpoint who just watched the film as they would not stop talking about it. one even claimed he got people saying he looks like Superman despite the whole team slapping onto his face that Brandon Routh is almost twice the ruler taller and it's actually Nino Muhlach he looks like...

with the film as my Superman debut, I went to the Mall of Asia with no expectation whatsoever. as i entered, all i was wondering was how they would make the plot so exciting given the fact that we know so well that however the movie goes, Superman will prevail at the end. (What do you expect, Superman will die or something? c'mon, the hospital scene is way too much.. ok, i know, i'll stop there as i have no intention of giving a review here). but after watching the movie, not concentrating on all the superflaws you do not expect to see in a superfilm as this, i'd say i could not really blame the boys. Superman is a hero that really captures hearts especially with the security of his being "always around". well, they say that another reason why people fall for Superman is that he is said to be DC Comics' version of Jesus Christ. He is not of this world but he was sent to save.

truly, Superman, in every inch, is not difficult to fall in love with, even for a first-timer like me.. either in full glory with his red cape...

.. or simply being Clark (I was really hoping until the end that Lois Lane, by any chance, could perhaps see beyond Clark Kent as a mere officemate/old friend... you know, just like how it was for Herbert Bautista and Lea Salonga in Captain Barbel.)

well, just being Brandon Routh will not hurt at all...

not when he stares this way...

waaaahh!! hehe..

DYK( did you know )...

.. without any idea that 3 years after he will be landing the role, Brandon reportedly won a Hollywood Halloween costume contest in 2003 by dressing as Clark Kent with his shirt open to reveal the Superman �S� underneath? here's the pic..

little my world

2006-07-01T09:47:00.000+04:00

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK:

Highlight #1:

i was so excited to see 2 VCDs at home from videocity (rent courtesy of dearest hausm8 jp). one was Casanova and the other was Little Manhattan.. of the two, i enjoyed Little Manhattan more.. well, it was really not a good copy of Casanova so I was not able to enjoy Heath Ledger that much.

But seriously , i fell in love with Little Manhattan. it's a story of how and what love is in the eyes of a ten-year old..This Gabe kid (Josh Hutcherson) discovered love in a familiar face, Rosemary (Charlie Ray), a girl he has known since kinder. The movie is something everyone can so relate to.. It's like reading the book ABNKKBSNPLK by Bob Ong. The scenes brought me down memory lane exclamated by a scream "Hey, I did that when i was a kid!" Well, of course, except for the fact that it was in New York.. I especially like the part where he first heard his heart beating for the girl. The background was all "tsug-tsug-tsug" (just like the heartbeat, ok?). He was like "Where is that sound coming from (wondering about that unfamiliar, strange feeling, touching his chest, looking at it then looking up at Rosemary) and who is this amazing creature in front of me?" haha.. he was mesmerized and just found love as Rosemary stood in front of him.. well, of course, people our age know that that will just be the start of a crazy world of love for Gabe ( which he actually concluded at the end) and he will still meet a lot of girls. maybe, even wonder later if what he felt for Rosemary was in fact love or just merely infatuation. just like how we all deny today all the little crushes we had when we were younger. buth heck! can we just forget all the anti-idealism thoughts growing up has taught us about love and be like little kids just for once! and besides the movie is so honest ... and so cute.. and so is Gabe.. haha.. he just caught my heart just how that little kid in Jerry Maguire, the child of Renee Zellweger's character did.. see, he is so adorable..

Highlight #2:

Kraymer already moved out of the house. If he'd ask me, it's really the best thing to do.. Not that I do not want him there ha.. Kraymer is an amazing guy and so nice to talk with. we are both so mushy and so into heart-to-heart talks, late night conversations. But going home (i mean his Bulacan home coz our haus has always been a home to us) will really make him focus and plan life. God bless you,bro! anyway, one moving out, one coming in. Katre, another familiar soul from Grade 1 will be joining the gang and i'm so excited ever! i'm sure the house will be filled with so much laughter especially with how belle and i do balahura about her and her bf, Elson ( belle and i call him Elson John, tribute to the singer.. hahaha..) of course, Katre does not have any idea of these.. not yet.. haha.. I could just imagine Katre saying "sabog kayo sa akin! "

Highlight #3:

i have a new schedule which i am so excited about. i know i asked so many people to pray for this sched. and there you go, another answered prayer. thank you, thank you, thank you ...It will start July 1. so excited...

Highlight #4:

Who would have thought that it has been 3 months now since that special night in Tagaytay?! 3 months na ba? i thought we were only goaling for 3 weeks?! haha... funny part is, we were talking over the phone a day after the 3rd month.. i was like " Baby, 3 months na pala no?" and he went "oo nga no! Baby, happy 3rd and 1st!!" ... i swear i really had to stop for a few seconds and was like " well, what exactly does he mean by that?" so are we like 3rd or 1st?! i just assumed he was talking about the 3 months and 1 day but i am not really so sure and he laughed so hard about himself as well when he realized what he just said... o well, his intentions seems good naman.. so sige na nga, kilig na rin.. hehe..

hey baby, you made the 3 months seem so short and special... thanks for being so amazing! =)

Gusto Ko, Pinay

2006-06-12T05:27:00.000+04:00

Ang mga sinabi mo ay pawang katotohanan.. Sana'y marami pang Pinoy na tulad mo.. Saludo kami sa'yo, Sky_rules! Mabuhay ka!

Pirated (hehe) from peyups.com
Contributed by Sky_rules (Edited by alteredbeast)
Posted on Monday, June 05, 2006 @ 05:06:13 PM

Biased na kung biased, pero Pinay lang ang gusto kong maging partner habang buhay. Sabi ng officemates ko, baliw daw ako dahil ang dami namang magagandang Kana na naglipana sa paligid ko. Sabi ko, hindi kabaliwan yun. Maraming rason bakit Pinay lang ang gusto ko. Bakit naman hindi? Ang Pinay, walang katulad.. naiiba sa lahat.. bukod-tangi. Yan ang Pinay.

Dream come true para sa maraming Pilipino ang magkaroon ng banyagang gf, lalo na pag naiisip si Pamela Anderson o di kaya si Carmen Elektra . Marahil, naging malaki talaga ang impluwensiya ng media sa konsepto ng marami tungkol sa kagandahan. Ikaw ba naman ang manood palagi ng porno sa DVD at mangulekta ng Playboy , tignan ko kung hindi mo pagpapantasyahan ang mga Kana . Ako, hindi naman mahilig sa “well endowed” na babae. Mas sexy pa rin para sa akin ang Pinay kahit pa hindi malaki ang hinaharap niya. Marahil, magaling lang din talagang magdala ng kaniyang sarili ang Pinay kaya’t malakas ang dating kahit sabihin pang “kinapos sa biyaya ng Langit”. Kahit sa kulay ng balat, lamang pa rin ang Pinay kung ako ang tatanungin. Ayaw ko nga ng kulay singkamas na tinubuan ng tagiptip na balat. Kakaiba pa rin ang kulay ng Pilipina. Sabi nga ng mga dayuhan, exotic ang dating. Para sakin, kayumanggi rules kaya, Pinay rules.
Sabagay, natural lang siguro na isipin ng iba na I’m nuts . Nagkalat nga naman ang mga sexy na Kana dito sa paligid ko. Pero kahit pa mismong si Miss America ang magkagusto sa akin, mas pipiliin ko pa din maging gf ang isang Pilipina. Ayaw kong pumatol sa American o kahit pa Puerto Rican ,Brazilian , o Italian . Sa aking opinyon, mas maganda ang Pinay higit sa kahit anong lahi. Maganda siya hindi lang sa panlabas na anyo, higit lalo sa kaniyang pagkatao.

Kahit kanino ka magtanong, isa lang ang sasabihin sa iyo tungkol sa Pinay. Wala nang sisipag pa sa kaniya. Kahit lampas na sa oras ng trabaho, hindi titigil ang Pinay hanggang hindi natatapos ang dapat gawin. Hindi ka iiwan sa ere at sisiguraduhing maayos ang lahat bago umalis ng opisina. Kaya masarap katrabaho ang Pinay eh. Napaka-reliable.

Kung talino naman ang pag-uusapan, lalong hindi pahuhuli ang Pilipina. Sisiw sa kanya ang lahat ng gawain. Ang bilis pumik-ap ng mga instructions. Confident. Sa pakikipag-usap na gamit ang English, hinding-hindi rin siya papatalo. Educated kasi at likas ang pagiging matalino. Willing matuto at madaling turuan. Kaya naman kahit anong lahi ang tanungin mo, bilib sila sa Pinay.

Halimbawa na lang ang sarili kong ina. Ganun na lang ang paghanga ko sa nanay ko, na nagtrabaho bilang nurse sa Middle East, dahil kilalang-kilala siya bilang kauna-unahang Pinay na naging nursing administrator ng isang government hospital doon. Dahil sa strict enforcement ng work ethics, marami syang nakabanggang tao na baluktot ang pag-iisip. Pero hindi siya natinag o natakot. Yan ang nanay, isang kahanga-hangang babae tulad ng marami pang ibang Pilipina.

Walang kasing bango ang Pinay. Malayo pa lang, amoy mo na kung may papalapit sa iyo na Pinay. Kung hindi amoy pabango, amoy mabango. Hindi malansa o masangsang at lalong walang BO. Sabi nila, ang amoy daw ng tao depende sa kinakain nya. Pero bakit ang Pinay kahit anong kainin, mabango pa rin? Hindi kaya likas na dugyot lang ang mga dayuhang kababaihan? Kahit pa kumain ng tinapa, binurong talangka, sardinas, o bagoong ang Pinay araw-araw, mabango pa rin siya. Bukod dun, likas na masinop at malinis sa katawan. Hindi lang basta naliligo sa pabango kaya mabango. Talaga lamang maselan sa pagiging malinis sa katawan ang Pinay.

Kapag Pinay ang na-inlab, patay kang bata ka. Ang pagmamahal niya, kasing-lalim ng Bermuda Triangle , kasing-lakas ng buhos ng ulan tuwing June, kasing-init ng araw tuwing March, kasing-sarap ng lechon ng Cebu, batchoy ng Iloilo, sisig ng Trellis, sinigang na baboy ng Kamayan at isaw sa UP. Napakasarap. Nakakakilig. Nakaka-adik.
Pinay lang ang gusto kong lagi kasama. Sa tagal ko na dito sa America hindi pa ako nakakapunta sa Disneyland. Siguro dahil hinihintay ko na may makasama akong Pinay. Mas higit akong matutuwa kapag sumakay ako sa Thunder Mountain na may katabing Pinay na tumitili at labas ang ngala-ngala sa sobrang excitement. Mas higit din na masaya yung may kadaldalang Pinay habang kumakain ng pizza at popcorn. Mas nakaka aliw kung sa bawat picture na kukunin with Tazmanian Devil at Bugs Bunny ay may kasamang Pinay na nakangiti. Kasi, without a doubt, masarap kasama ang Pinay.

Nasisiraan na daw ako ng bait sabi ng mga officemates ko. Pwede naman daw makipag-date sa mga Kana eh bakit hanap pa ako nang hanap ng Pinay. Napakapihikan ko daw sa babae. So what? Isa lang alam ko, kung hindi rin lang Pinay, mabuti pang tumandang mag-isa.

Hay naku. Basta ang gusto ko, Pinay.

under the knife

2006-05-31T07:42:00.000+04:00

about 4 hours from now, i will be in the operating room of makati medical center for my, well, operation. i know you might be wondering and concerned (hopefully) what in the world i would do there. well, this has been bothering me for some weeks now. i felt this lump which i actually did not mind at first. i thought it was just a tiny thing that would just soon go away. but it grew bigger and the pain.. ohhh!.. it just kills me. so i decided to visit the doctor last Monday at makati med. thanks to my intellicare card. it serves like a globe card in that old commercial where you can just flash it to them and voila! you can just stroll along the corridors of makati med even if you barely got 20 pesos in you pocket. So i waited for the doctor, and told him ( he looks sooo mabango.. well, all doctors naman yata e) about that lump. he told me the history of the lump and instantly diagnosed me to go through a minor operation! huwaatt! for someone like me who never frequents the hospital, this is one BIG THING! he told me that i really have to go through this to take it off as well as the possibility of it growing back. wow!

except for the colds i experience everyday after i'd wake up, i could say that i am gifted with a very good immune system. i don't have any childhood memory of being hospitalized. visits to pedia, yes, but more on vaccines and vitamins. i've had all kinds of sickness one normally goes through- measles, chicken pox, mumps- but i was never confined in a hospital. well, i experienced being moved within the emergency room once in a stretcher when i and a former officemate were hit by a vehicle along ayala ave. pathetic, i know. so this operation thing is actually making a mark in my health history. i'm not afraid though. i was even planning to go there alone despite my mom's being so kulit on accompanying me.. maybe, i am (again) trying to prove the fun, fearless female in me.

then i tried to imagine what they are going to do with me - the anesthesia, the knife, the laser, the possibility of blood, the bandage, medicines, the recuperation period and yes, the pain. nyay! and it started to scare me. so i really prayed that everything will go okay- the OR, the doctor's hands, eyes and mind, the tools he will use. I prayed for the readiness in me. this is a first for me and all firsts in my life are really memorable and full of anxieties/excitements. i also prayed for my work to allow me to do SL (sick leave) without affecting my compliance. of course, i can always file for SL but it will affect my compliance which later will affect my schedule bidding. as of writing, i got an answered prayer. my manager is already processing a pre-approved SL which will NOT affect my compliance! so i'll be out of the office and be back on Monday.

only 3 hours 42 minutes remaining. i'm still here in the office and writing this. later im going to meet mommy. i finally agreed that she accompanies me after i scared myself. and i agreed as well to stay in Valenzuela afterwards. please do pray for me. i hope everything goes well. i am hoping for an ouch-free operation. for your flowers and get-well-soon card/letters, you may send them either to my Valenzuela home or my Pasig apartment. You may also join my housemates for a surprise(!?) coming home/get well soon party they are preparing for me. just coordinate with them.

3 hours 30 minutes to go. at least after the operation, i wouldn't have to burden myself with this lump anymore. hay, this wart on the sole of my right foot is killing me!

taxi ride (a fiction)

2006-05-24T09:45:00.000+04:00

"Manong, pwedeng pakibilisan po ng konti."

Kung ako ang masusunod, mas gusto ko sanang magcommute. Namimiss ko na din kasi ang MRT station ng Quezon Ave at ang jeep na Pantranco-UP. Simula nung magtrabaho ako, ang buhay ko ay umiikot na lang sa Makati (dahil dun ako nagwowork) at sa Pasig (dahil dun ang apartment ko). Kaya lang, napatagal yata ako sa kakapili ng isusuot kanina, kaya eto't kailangang magtaxi. Hay, parang bumabaligtad ang sikmura ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung anxiety ba ito dahil malalate na ako o excitement dahil makikita kita. Kahit hindi masyado malamig ang aircon sa taxi, eto ako at pinagpapawisan ang mga kamay sa ginaw. Shaks!

Sana talaga hindi ako malate. Well, sandali na lang naman andun na ako. Binabagtas ko na ngayon ang University Ave. Hay, iba talaga ang UP. Huli yata akong napunta dito ay nung UP Fair. Pero sa tuwing pupunta ako, napakanostalgic ng lahat. Apat na taon ba naman ako namalagi dito e. Dito nag-aral, Dito tumira.

"Kakaliwa po dyan."

Ayan na si Oble. Kay tagal din niya akong inaruga sa kanyang mga bisig na nakadipa. Sabi nila ang tunay daw na ibig sabihin nito ay pag-aalay ng sarili. Tunay na iskolar. Minsan, naiisip ko din para siyang nanghahalina "Heto ako, halika at lasapin ang mga bagay na dito mo lang mararanasan". At tunay nga naman dahil bawat sulok ng paaralang ito ay nagsusumigaw na alaala ng makulay na lumipas.

"Tapos, kakanan po."

Napatingin ako sa cellphone ko. Limang minuto na akong late. Ang nakakinis, kung lagi akong late, ikaw naman ay kung hindi on time, lagi kang ahead of time. Naalala ko dati, pinaghintay kita ng tatlong oras sa Megamall dahil nakatulog ako. Akala mo nga hindi na ako darating e.

Malapit na ako. Ano na kaya ang itsura ko? Sana hindi naman ako mukhang ngarag pag nagkita na tayo. Lagi mo pa naman akong niloloko na magsuklay. Para kitang naririnig pag sinasabi mong "Ganda ng buhok mo ah. Subukan mo kayang magshampoo." Pero nung una tayong nanood ng sine, grabe! Sobrang tagal kong gumayak noon. Dito yun e. Tama, dito sa Film Center. Tatlo dapat tayo, kasama si best friend mo. Pero sa kahinahinalang dahilan, bigla na lang siyang nawala, hindi macontact sa cellphone. Nakakainis kasi di pa naman kita masyado kaclose noon e. Mas friends kami ni best friend mo. Kaya sobrang naiilang ako habang nanonood ng "Amores Peros".

Yakal. Ang ating dormitoryo. Dito kita unang minahal.

Hindi naman kita talaga crush noon e. Iba ang gusto ko pero ang kulit kasi ng best friend mo. Grabe kung ibuild up ka. Feeling ko noon pati buong wing natin kakuntsaba. Niloloko nila ako. May gusto ka daw sa akin. Hindi ako naniwala. Kaya inenjoy ko lang ang bawat oras na magkasama tayo nung naguumpisa na tayong maging close. Hanggang sa nakita ko na hindi lang pala pangbuild-up ang mga kinukwento ng best friend mo. Astig ka pala talaga! Wala kang arte nung minsan nagcandlelight dinner tayo sa Manang Eng. Sobrang gentleman ka 'pag naglalakad tayo ng madaling-araw galing library. Ang cute mo nung suot mo yung blue shirt mo. Ang bait mo din dahil sinamahan mo akong hintayin ang daddy ko nung last day natin sa dorm. Ako, for that sem. Ikaw, for your college life. Gagraduate ka na kasi e. Hindi na kita makikita. Hindi na makakasama.

Kaya nga pumayag ako nung ininvite ako ng best friend mo sa org niyo. Sabi niya sa akin lagi ka nandun. Ininvite mo na din ako nun pero hindi ako ready. Feeling ko kasi hindi ako bagay sa Christian org. Alam ko kailangan ko dahil nagpadala na ako sa radikal na paniniwala na napulot sa unibersidad. Nag-iiyak ako sa Diyos noon na Siya ang lumapit sa akin dahil sa hindi ko mapigilang dahilan, napapalayo na ako sa Kanya.

" Kuya, dyan na lang po sa tabi."

Alam ko, mali ang motivation ko nung una akong tumapak sa simbahang ito. Ikaw. Mali talaga at maraming beses akong nahiya sa Diyos noon. Pero ang dami ko namang natutunan habang tumatagal. Isa sa mga unang kong nadiskubre ay ang katotohanan na may mundo ka na bago pa man ako dumating. Kasabay ng realisasyong unti-unti nang nahulog ang loob ko sayo ay ang katotohanang may mahal ka ng iba. At bawat araw na nagkakalapit tayo ay parang punyal na itinuturok sa akin. Sa bawat pagkakataong ikukuwento mo siya sa akin, gusto ko na lang biglang mawalan ng pandinig. Ramdam kong mahal mo sya kahit na sa iba na nakatuon ang kanyang pansin. Sa tuwina'y para tayong gumagawa ng music video habang kinakanta ni Bituin Escalante ang "Kung Ako na Lang Sana".

Alam ko, hanggang doon na lang yon. Hanggang sa magandang pagkakaibigan na lang. Pero okay lang. Nang pinasok ko ang mundo mo ay maraming kamay na sumalo sa akin. Mga taong mahalaga din sayo. Mga taong hindi ko na din kayang mawala sa buhay ko. Naaalala ko pa, may mga taong dumamay sa akin nung panahong durog-durog ang puso ko mamg dahil sa'yo. Alam kong mahal ako ng Diyos. Alam Niya kung ano ang laman ng damdamin ko. Kaya pinagdasal kita. Araw-araw. Minsan kasama ko pang magdasal ang ilang kaibigan natin. Minsan iniisip ko, napakaimposible na ng pinagdadasal ko. Pero naniwala ako noon na balang-araw, ibibigay ka sa akin.

Shaks! Ikaw na nga ba yun? Natatanaw na kita habang nagmamadali ako sa pagpasok.

Ang tagal na din simula noong mga araw na ipinagdarasal kita. Ilang taon na ba ang lumipas? Dalawa na ba o tatlo? Apat na yata. Hindi ko na din makalkula. Bigla ko na lang ding tinigilan. Hindi sa hindi ako naniniwala na kayang ibigay ng Panginoon ang gusto ko. Kaya lang, baka may iba siyang plano. Baka iba ang para sa akin. Basta ang importante, magkaibigan pa rin tayo. Kahit na hindi na tayo madalas nagkikita, lagi naman tayong updated sa isa't-isa. Magkasama pa din sa gimik. Nagbabalitaan ng mga buhay-buhay habang bawat isa sa atin ay hinahanap ang lugar sa mundong ito.

Naging saksi ako nung muli kang sumubok sa larangan ng pag-big. Suportado pa naman kita noon pero ewan ko nga ba kung bakit bigla na lang natapos. Pinagsabihan pa nga kita na baka nasa iyo ang problema dahil ang alam ko, gusto ka niya talaga. Nandun ka din naman nung nagkadurog-durog ako nang muli akong nagmahal. Sa bawat kwento ko, alam kong ramdam mo din ang sakit. Dahil nasaktan talaga ako. At gaya ng dati, ayun, umiyak na naman ako sa Kanya. Ang tanga ko kasi. Akala ko naisurrender ko na sa Kanya ang puso ko para Siya na ang mag-alaga. All this time pala, hawak-hawak ko lang. Ginagamitan ng sariling diskarte.

"Sorry late ako. Kanina pa ba nagsimula?"

Pero matagal na din yun. Buti na lang close na kami uli ni Lord. Alam ko na sa sarili ko na hindi na uli mangyayari na magmamahal ako na wala Siya sa akin. Sobrang naappreciate ko nga nung sinamahan mo akong magsimba. Sobrang mahalaga sa akin yung araw na yun.

" Okay lang, Baby, kauumpisa pa lang din."

Importante sa akin ang araw na yun dahil nun mo sinabi ang mga salitang akala ko'y hindi ko maririnig mula sa'yo. Mukha kang tanga noon, pulang-pula, hindi mapakali, pinagpapawisan ng sobra. Ako din, kinakabahan. Hindi inaasahan ang mga pangyayaring nagaganap sa harapan ko. Noong araw na yon mo sinabi sa akin na mahal mo ako.

"Okay ka lang ba?", tanong mo sa akin sabay hawak sa kamay ko.

"Okay na ako." Sino ba naman ang hindi? Kasama na kita. Ikaw na sa aki'y ibinigay Niya.

sandalan

2006-03-27T08:46:00.000+04:00

How did I ever let You out of my life?
Or maybe the question was how was I able to survive,
to survive that long…
it was so dark without You.
The light had been chasing me.
but I ran away…
i can’t run no more.
my knees are too weak to take any step further.
bruises had been enveloping me
but with Your touch , they were all gone.
carry me.
bring me back to that place of rest.
heal my wounds..
wrap my heart in Your arms..
keep it and make it safe.
forgive me..
let me cry.

If God is 6cyclemind, he would have long been singing this song to me…

Kanina pa kita pinagmamasdan
Mukha mo’y di maipinta
Malungkot ka na naman
Kanina pa kitang inaalok nang
Kuwentuhang masaya
Parang sa’yo’y balewala
Sandali nga
Teka lang
May nakalimutan ka
Di ba’t pwede mo akong iyakan

Sige lang
Sandal ka na
At wag mong pipigilan
Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit
Iiyak mo lang ang lahat sa akin

Andito lang ako naghihintay
Lagi mong tatandaan
Di ka naman nag-iisa
Andito lang ako makikinig sayo
Sa buong magdamag
Sa’kin di ka balewala

Sige lang
Sandal ka na
At wag mong pipigilan
Iiyak mo na ang lahat sa langit
Iiyak mo lang ang lahat sa akin

Sige lang
Sige lang sige lang

home

2006-01-25T06:04:00.000+04:00

I woke up this morning and had been lost for a moment.

Where am i?

Instead of lying in my some-kinda-bed in an apartment shared with friends, i found my vimless body in the old Salem bed i've been accustomed to sleep on for the first 16 years of my life.

Once again, i took a moment, breathed. I think i need some air. How long have I been sleeping?

I looked around and saw posters of vince hizon and allan caidic all over, the cynosures of this room. on the far end, there's my old 14" black and white tv, the very first item I was able to buy with my own money at a very, very young age. just look at what my numerous piggy bank-saved 10 cents brought me. just beside the bed is the AM/FM radio that accompanied me during my first dose of heartbreaks, during kilig moments and at times when I just wanted to stay late and shift to senti mode (ironically, 11 PM was already late for me back then). and of course, to complete the scene, i heard the thundering sound of the vociferous tricycles that used to wake me up in time for my 7am science class.i have to remind myself to have this
room soundproofed someday!

at that moment, i felt i was high school again.

though my room hasn't changed a lot except for some added dust on top of the drawers and tables, everything around me seemed to. our house which used to be filled with my and my sister's laughters and little bitchiness is now barren with only my tita and lola for residents. Inang, as I fondly call the woman who gave birth to my mom, is now in her tiniest body form ever and her little alzheimer's is in its biggest blow driving my relatives all crazy. my cousin who had married 3 months ago is now preggy with a 4-month old baby. her sister will soon wed this summer. another cousin is now a father of a twin. well, speaking of babies, cats have been flocking the roof of our house which used to be a kingdom only for Muning,a white cat whose
uterus seemed to be a factory of kittens. now, Muning is gone and i am not really sure if these cats are of her family lineage.

The resort accross the street closed down. The pools once full of blue water giving joy to the kiddos of our barangay now serve as playgrounds to little hopping green creatures. I have to mention that being a neighbor to these pools did not help me learn swimming at all. My silent next-door neighbor, the little boy I kidded with, who just came home from Manila schooling is now a total hunk. My next-door neighbor is now a total hunk!! He is now a total hunk!!! ok... i have to get over that now.. The next-door neighbor of my next-door neighbor who is now a total hunk (so basically, he lived in the next,next house from mine) no longer lives there. What could have happened to him? Married? I remember he once had his hair totally blonde and I found it adorable. Yuck!

Some neighbors who are not related by blood used to treat each other as families. Today, blotter records in the barangay hall seem to be their only bond. Little kids grew to puberty. New families formed. Houses renovated. Stores closed. New establishments rose. The once cool guys are now fathers forming their beer bellies. And the girl tweetums now have little babies tagging along.

Six years have passed... Why am I feeling like a stranger to my homeland?

Sometimes I envy my high school friends who stayed. They are now ninongs and ninangs of each others' children. Some are officemates enjoying their own Friday night gimiks. They have created this special kind of bond. The kind I only share with few classmates who went with me and crossed the borders of Nueva Ecija off to the jungle of Diliman. The only difference with me is when I took step in the world of the metro, my family followed shortly after a year, decided to try our luck in this new place. so unlike belle or katre or allan, my dormmate friends who have been known to me since grade 1, I did not travel to cabanatuan during weekends. but please don't get me wrong if there might be a tinge of regrets in my lines. i might have lost the
could-have-been-wonderful friendship with my old classmates but hey, i was blessed with so many friends here as well. and these people are so amazing, i can't help but be grateful. moreover, my move here introduced me to a whole new world i am just glad i learned of.

then came the time to leave. the little visit is over.

despite the feeling of being "out-of-place in my own place", i felt good coming home.the changes were too obvious, they are getting into me. but what is important is the fact that the more significant things remain.

just like the hugs of my tita whenever i'm home, how she would insist for me to take time off work and spend a longer vacation there, and how she would cry whenever i would leave. the look in my grandma's eyes as she would kiss my hand and call me "apo" but later on would ask me" kanino ka na ngang anak?". the bond i share with my cousins, how we are supportive of each other and the fact that they believe in me big time.

this will forever be the place where i first felt loved and treasured, where the early foundations of my character were built. this is where i first cry,wept, rejoiced, triumphed and felt all the emotions in between. this place gave me comfort. this place is home. who i am now is part of this lovely place, my lovely little past.

i left teh place with a heavy heart. stranger no more...

Why Do I Love Him?

2005-12-14T10:02:00.000+04:00

(i've been reveling much of other people's mushiness lately. it just brings out the romantic side of me i once lost.. well, maybe it comes with the age.. anyway, this is one of my faves..)

Why Do I Love Him?
Contributed by babyanne (Edited by blue_kuko)

Why do I love him?
Tough question. I don't even know how or where to begin. I'm not sure if I could possibly find the right words to express what or how much I feel for him, let alone explain why I love him. I don't believe the English language has all the words I would need.

Why do I love him?

I guess I just do. I love him just because. I love him just because that's the most natural and possible thing to do.

I love him.

I love him because he's the most incredible, wonderful, amazing and fantastic guy I have ever known in my entire life. I love him because he's sweet, charming, smart, witty, and has a great sense of humor. I love him because he's so cool he's hot.

I love him because he makes me smile. I love him because he makes me laugh. I love him because he makes me happy. I love him because he's the one and only guy who has ever made it through my wall and seen right through my mask. I love him because he accepts the real me, imperfections and all, and still appreciates me for who I am.

I love him for being my friend. I love him because I could be whatever I want to be in front of him. I love him because we could talk about anything and everything under the sun.

I love him because I feel safe when I am with him. I love him because we are comfortable with each other. I love him for giving me a helping hand when I had to pick myself up, but couldn't. I love him for offering his shoulder for me to lean on to when I had to be strong, but wasn't.

I love him for telling me not to drink too much alcohol, then pretending to be mad at me when I did drink too much. I love him for telling me not to stay up too late at night because it wasn't good for my health. I love him for texting and sending me sweet and mushy messages. I love him for those times when he would call or text me just when I was thinking of calling or texting him, when I was feeling down, or when I was missing him, like he has gone psychic all of a sudden.

I love him for the kilig moments we had. I love him for always making me feel better, about myself and life in general. I love him for making me feel special. I love him for making me feel loved. But most of all, I love him for making me feel. I love him for making me realize that I am capable of feeling this way and this much for someone. I love him for making me feel alive.

So, why do I love him?

I love him because he's all of these and more. So much more. I love him because he's everything. He's everything...but mine.

his silhouette

2005-11-25T08:07:00.000+04:00

happy birthday, sweetie.....

a dream come true

2005-11-25T07:03:00.000+04:00

one time, i was scanning through sunday paper when i saw a familiar figure - vince hizon, adorably wearing a mr. incredible costume for a fashion show of celebrities with their pets. there he was with a pug named "Jawo" wearing its own version of the superhero suit. of course, the picture would not be complete without the better half, his mrs. incredible, patricia "shaan" bermudez.

though i have been a big fan of vince, i barely know shaan. she came into vince's life at the time when i had to concentrate on my own life instead of his. I was not so fond of her or with any other girls linked with vince. i'd say i was a very jealous fan.

the very first time i saw shaan was the same time i first saw vince in the flesh - an AIT fashion show, where they were invited as guests/endorsers of a new clothing line. she was not that pretty, i told myself. not a stunner. and for the rest of that night, my friend belle had to endure my endless blabbing on how vince could have chosen someone better. but a look on his handsome face, just seeing how he would hold her hands and how he looked at her a while, told me that he was happy, happy with her. and if vince chose her instead of other girls who would cross live wires just to be in her place (well, you could include me in the list), he probably found something really special about her.

i was looking intently at her picture in that lifestyle page hoping to see that something special when a realization hit me! she actually has the things i used to want...

back in high school, i already planned on taking up broadcast communications. not that i wanted to be a newscaster giving the daily headlines or to be a well-opinionated journalist. i just simply wanted to be seen in the pba during half-time breaks delivering to the basketball-crazy pinoys the 1st half statistics. oh, and of course a post game interview with vince as he bagged the player of the game title won't hurt. (well, of course, things got in the way and i took up tourism instead. but hey, no regrets there..)

i was in third year when i tried to pattern my crushes with vince. most of them were varsity players. the better they can shoot from the 3-pt arc, the more delicious.. err.. i mean, enchanting they appeared to me. and yes, even before it happened to shaan, i have already formulated my dream wedding proposal - a half-time break with my MVP, most valuable person, going down on his knees, asking me to marry him. and once i say yes, we would live happily ever after and my hubby would agree with me to name our first born vincent paul, obviously from the full name of vince- vicente paul .

and shaan has all these - the job i wanted, the wedding proposal i had in mind, my planned baby name ( although their baby was named vicente patrick), and of course, the man i so adored. amazing isn't it? how a person could actually be living a life you previously dreamt of. well my dreams all came true. though not with me but with shaan.

though these are not the things i want in life anymore, i just can't help but turn a liitle green about her but not necessarily envious. hey! im having a great life as well... and though she loves vince and is taking a good care of him, let me give some word for here.
hey shaan, delight in what you have and flourish life. you are actually living my dreams... ( hell no, i'm not threatening her, okay?!)

speak your tounges

2005-11-20T05:15:00.000+04:00

sometimes it amazes me how some people will say something in a mere casual conversation and the words they uttered will just make a lasting impact in our lives. just like some quotable quotes high-lighted in the pages of a book. or that particular line in the song you can best relate to. and yes, these people may or may not be the most important people to you, sometimes even a complete stranger. but you just know that after they delivered their lines, your life, or at least how you view it, will never be the same again. oh and the thing is, they don't even know how it mattered to you because as said, it is just a mere conversation.

Example 1:
I was a freshie in Kalayaan and we were having this all-girls-in-pyjamas conversation in melay's and belle's room. It was a discussion regarding our first set of exams after officially embracing the tag " iskolar ng bayan". apparently, we didn't think that the taumbayan will be so proud of our scores. so we agreed that we really need to prioritize things and use our time efficiently. and yes, that would include crossing out in our planners the "visit SM, watch movie". belle promised to put her concentration on math 11. i agreed to prioritize my acads and walk away from my im-too-confident-to-pass-even-if-i-don't-study attitude that i was so used to having even back in high school. melay swore not to let boys get in the way. hanniyah was just silently listening to what we were saying. i, then, asked her, "kaw, han, ano ipaprioritize mo?" expecting her to say that she would give up shopping , or her passion for volleyball or maybe reduce her phone conversations with then boyfriend. to my surprise she said in low voice " siguro ako, ipaprioritize ko si LOrd..." WOW! was that a slap on my face or what!? i don't know if belle or melay got affected by what she said or ever heard it but it created a somersault within me...
after some time of exchanging smiles and hellos as acquaintances, hanniyah and i became friends , got in the same org, shared secrets and dreams, travelled to numerous places as we got deeper together in our prioritizing the Lord. and when i reminded her how she touched my life back then, she could not even remember that particular dialogue we had!

Example 2:
The setting would be in our tambayan in AIT. it was one of those boring afternoons when you would be grateful that you're part of an org, you have a tambayan to stay in and people to hang out with in between classes. it was an unusual day evident by the deafening silence in the usually crowded tambayan. it was just me and my buddy michelle, who later on will be my thesis partner and will share with me the hardships and fun of coming up with that little hardbound piece of idealistic views.
michelle and i were not really close then. we were never classmates but my groupmates in one subject happened to be her groupmates in another. talk about common ground, huh! and so when these fellas joined ecotour, my beloved AIT org, she was designated to be my buddy. then we became part of the same committee and worked in numerous org projects. in our senior year, we broaden our responsibilities and bonding as execomms. then decided to ride the waves as we dig more into surfing for our thesis, together, tested the waters of life, learned the tides each surpassed. i could say that michelle, indeed, is as deep as the ocean, as broad as the horizon, as accommodating as the shore.
ok...rewind..rewind..rewind.. back to that day in the tambayan when we were mere buddies. it seemed that we had no choice that time but to bond and do some story-telling of our lives. she told me a lot about her boyfriend and how she loved him deeply amidst all the pain she had to go through because of him. at that time, my outlook on love was on a weighing scale, could not even decide if i really love the man i was so fond of. i explained to her my fear of getting hurt. the fear that if i give my heart to someone, i give him the right to hurt me as well. so as part of defending myself, i always make an about face whenever i was getting close to "falling". the result, an endless battle within me. just for example, i felt so excited just with the thought that i am gonna see the guy later that day but could not find the same ebullience when i was with him.(told you, a chaotic mind i had!) "lam mo ba kung paano ako nareremind everyday na mahal ko si vince? ", chelle asked. i did not reply, anticipating what she would say next. " kasi kung paano ko gusto na kasama ko siya ngayon, kung gaano ako kaexcited kapag magkikita kami, doblehin mo o triplehin mo pa ang saya ko pag magkasama na kami". and she said this with a look on her face that there is no denying i was speaking with a woman in love. before i left that day, she told me to assesss myself and to try to define the line between being in love with the person and being in love with just the idea of loving.
on her bday last year, i decided to greet her with a friendster testimonial, a part dedicated to thank her for the things she taught me. This, she later on averred as the sweetest testimonial written about her however could not even remember that fateful day in the tambayan.

Example 3
During my early months at work, I was so fond of what i called "my morning coffee with God" just before heading home ( yeah, graveyard shift and all..). I would fill my company-provided mug with steaming coffee and consume it in the RCBC chapel. surrounded by the aroma of the coffee and the scent of sampaguita, i would do my quality time with God. as this was usually at around 5 to 6 in the morning, i found solitace in the chapel thus having the freedom to read my Bible aloud, even talk aloud to myself. okay fine, i admit, sometimes i sing also, enjoying the place's good acoustic, reliving the frustrated singer that i am. lucky me, the guards never checked me out or they might report to my company that they just hired a psycho.
one time, my batchmate albert chase who i fondly called cheska, decided to tag along when he learned about my morning roundabout. after a time of saying our individual prayers, we decided to stay longer. we talked about a lot of things- how he learned that he is gay, how his being a product of a broken family contributed to it, the acceptance and the lack of it from the people around him, the assurance that God loves him just the same and how he viewed himself to be living alone when he's already old and gray.
when it was my turn to do my "dear ate charo" ( the maalalala mo kaya song playing in the background would complete the scene), i told him some secrets only few of my closest friends know, which of course, i will not put here. at a particular one which had been bothering me a lot, he advised me to let loose, that there is nothing wrong if i would say it. he told me to be good to myself, that i do not deserve all the worrying i was going through. "alam mo les, the things you could not express are the things that control you". I could still remember his line. it just kept echoing in my head. the things you could not express are the things that control you... the things you could not express are the things that control you...and yes, that is exactly how i felt - controlled, jailed in my tiny cell, tied up to the ball and chain i've created.
on my way home that day, in between the jammed mrt crowd, i promised to give myself freedom. i wanna break free! (one would have to say this with both arms stretch out a la oblation). gone are the days when i would contain all the emotions within me. and yes, i have the right to make mistakes, to let the world know that i am hurting, to speak my thoughts, to fall in love like there is no tomorrow, to declare what i like and what i despise, to break silence if there is something wrong, and to let go of the strong facade i have been trying to build all these years. i don't wanna see that girl cry again because of the bursting emotions she could not contain but was not able to pronounce thus finding crying as the only outlet. if this overcome-the-things-that-control-you project is the anodyne to my rotting heart, why not? if people will think differently of me because of it, who cares? after all, that liberating tete a tete really made me feel better of myself.
and if you're going to ask me if chase still remembers that chat, forget it! not for him whose memory capacity is nowhere better than mine. we actually agreed that that early, we were already good candidates for alzheimer's.

i could go on babbling more of these "you change my life in a moment" type of confabs like how a friend said that she finds girls to be full of courage and maturity when she can admit to herself that she loved but was not loved back. or how one explained to me that love, indeed, is a choice. this, for the longest time, i have been trying to deny because of my clinging to my butterflies-in-the-stomach, too romatic notion of love. and a friend would always say that she will never forget the time i uttered "i would always enjoy the company of friends i dine out and have fun with. pero mas vinavalue ko pa din yung mga taong nakaramay ko sa pagkain ng sardinas." (of course, this is in the context that we can only spare 10 pesos at that time for our meal, and not stereotyping sardinas as a food for the "brokes"). and these type of talks continues to amaze me like the lines were written intently for the climactic scenes in the soap operas.

so what exactly is my point? well, i came to a realization that words, which we thought are just ordinary part of our daily existence, evident by the fact that some people could not even remember they said those, can actually change life. and so we should be careful in choosing the words that would come out of our lips. and just as i learned how these affected my life should make me conscious of the words i say. i sould be reminded that i always have a choice to say lines that could make an impact in a person's life positively rather than the opposite. and though i cannot say that i can now face life's challenges with aplomb, the lessons from these people would help me to face those yet to come in a somehow more mature manner ( i hope so...)

oh yes, one more thing, i learned that my being a forgetful leslie is somehow normal (again, i hope so...) ;-)

"..i'm sure they'll think again if they have a friend like ben.."

2005-11-18T03:32:00.000+04:00

hala ben! sabi naman sa'yo wag ka masyado magbilad sa araw e. ang itim mo tuloy dun sa 1st pic. i like the 2nd pic coz it is sexy (hmm.. binata ka na o.. may muskels na..). the third pic is cool. and the 4th pic, la lang. it just reminds me of those days when you were still my officemate..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN!!!

sobrang miss na po kita.. i miss your jokes, your childlike acts, your voice and your deep insights about life...

salamat ben sa lahat.. thank you for being a constant reminder of how God tremendously blessed my life. for reminding me that there are really good people and friends in this world...

try to have fun on your birthday even if i'm not there ha?..hehe..happy birthday ulit. love you, ben =)

can't help but relate

2005-11-04T02:04:00.000+04:00

After Surviving 130,000 Calls from the Traveling Public
by Jonathan Lee -- The Washington Post

I work in a central reservation office of an airline. After more than 130,000 conversations -- all ending with "Have a nice day and thanks for calling" -- I think it's fair to say that I'm a survivor.

I've made it through all the calls from adults who didn't know the difference between a.m. and p.m., from mothers of military recruits who didn't trust their little soldiers to get it right, from the woman who called to get advice on how to handle her teenage daughter, from the man who wanted to ride inside the kennel with his dog so he wouldn't have to pay for a seat, from the woman who wanted to know why she had to change clothes on our flight between Chicago and Washington (she was told she'd have to make a change between the two cities) and from the man who asked if I'd like to discuss the existential humanism that emanates from the soul of Habeeb.

In five years, I've received more than a boot camp education regarding the astonishing lack of awareness of our American citizenry. This lack of awareness encompasses every region of the country, economic status, ethnic background, and level of education. My battles have included everything from a man not knowing how to spell the name of the town he was from, to another not recognizing the name of "Iowa" as being a state, to another who thought he had to apply for a foreign passport to fly to West Virginia. They are the enemy and they are everywhere.

In the history of the world there has never been as much communication and new things to learn as today. Yet, after I asked a woman from New York what city she wanted to go to in Arizona, she asked, "Oh... is it a big place?"

I talked to a woman in Denver who had never heard of Cincinnati, a man in Minneapolis who didn't know there was more than one city in the South ("wherever the South is"), a woman in Nashville who asked, "Instead of paying for your ticket, can I just donate the money to the National Cancer Society?", and a man in Dallas who tried to pay for his ticket by sticking quarters in the pay phone he was calling from.

I knew a full invasion was on the way when, shortly after signing on, a man asked if we flew to exit 35 on the New Jersey Turnpike. Then a woman asked if we flew to area code 304. And I knew I had been shipped off to the front when I was asked, "When an airplane comes in, does that mean it's arriving or departing?"

I remembered the strict training we had received -- four weeks of regimented classes on airline codes, computer technology, and telephone behavior -- and it allowed for no means of retaliation. "Troops," we were told, "it's real hell out there and ya got no defense. You're going to hear things so silly you can't even make 'em up. You'll try to explain things to your friends that you don't even believe yourself, and just when you think you've heard it all, someone will ask if they can get a free round-trip ticket to Europe by reciting 'Mary Had a Little Lamb.'"

Well, Sarge was right. It wasn't long before I suffered a direct hit from a woman who wanted to fly to Hippopotamus, NY. After I assured her that there was no such city, she became irate and said it was a big city with a big airport. I asked if Hippopotamus was near Albany or Syracuse. It wasn't. Then I asked if it was near Buffalo. "Buffalo!" she said. "I knew it was a big animal!"

Then I crawled out of my bunker long enough to be confronted by a man who tried to catch our flight in Maconga. I told him I'd never heard of Maconga and we certainly didn't fly to it. But he insisted we did and to prove it he showed me his ticket: Macon, GA. I've done nothing during my conversational confrontations to indicate that I couldn't understand English. But after quoting the round-trip fare the passenger just asked for he'll always ask: "...Is that round trip?" After quoting the one-way fare the passenger just asked for he'll always, always ask: "...Is that one-way?" I never understood why they always question if what I just gave them is what they just asked for. Then I realized it was part of the hell Sarge told us about.

But I've survived to direct the lost, correct the wrong, comfort the wary, teach U.S. geography and give tutoring in the spelling and pronunciation of American cities. I have been told things like: "I can't go stand-by for your flight because I'm in a wheelchair." I've been asked such questions as: "I have a connecting flight to Knoxville. Does that mean the plane sticks to something?" And once a man wanted to go to Illinois. When I asked what city he wanted to go to in Illinois, he said, "Cleveland, Ohio."

After 130,000 little wars of varying degrees, I'm a wise old veteran of the communication conflict and can anticipate with accuracy what the next move by "them" will be. Seventy-five percent won't have anything to write on. Half will not have thought about when they're returning. A third won't know where they're going; 10 percent won't care where they're going. A few won't care if they get back. And James will be the first name of half the men who call.

But even if James doesn't care if he gets to the city he never heard of; even if he thinks he has to change clothes on our plane that may stick to something; even if he can't spell, pronounce, or remember what city he's returning to, he'll get there because I've worked very hard to make sure that he can. Then with a click in the phone, he'll become a part of my past and I'll be hoping the next caller at least knows what day it is.

the reason

2005-10-26T17:34:00.000+04:00

i never meant to heighten the pain of Your thorns. i never meant to scourge each whip, to burrow down Your nails. i would never want to cause Your tears. but I did. i'm sorry.

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to You
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want You to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm sorry that I hurt You
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put You through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all Your tears
Thats why i need You to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to You
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want You to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I've found a reason to show
A side of me You didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is You

sleepless in washington (not necessarily in seattle)*

2005-10-23T08:39:00.000+04:00

been having dreams lately. less sleep but more dreams. beautiful dreams which seemed to be too real that when i woke up, i almost believed they happened. or maybe i just so desire these things to be part of my waking reality. actually, there are some patches that until now i could'nt figure out if they really happened or not. however i tried to define the line between these dreams and my reality, i just couldn't.

do you remember that place where tinkerbell will always love peter pan? the place between dreaming and waking up? that is the place where i danced away with my dreams.

but just like my reality, the dreams had to end as i needed to wake up. memories, though, are too sweet to rekindle. but please, nightmares no more.

* all the dreamings and hallucinations took place in our lovely abode - 6944 Washington St. Brgy Pio del Pilar, Makati City. just to explain the title.

love brings out the poet pirate in you..

2005-10-06T09:16:00.000+04:00

posted with the consent of noelle, a new-found friend whose poems i am an avid fan of. he willingly showed me the "snippets of his life" . i hope he finds his real joy to write about in that little book.

ONE LAST TIME

Far away from our dreams
Like a distant memory you shall pass
And the wind that blows from north
Shall now turn east
More than anything I wish for you
To stay and cuddle me in your arms
One last time
One last time,
Hold me and do not go.
Let me hear you heart
I want to know who it beats for.
Is it for me?
And then as the end draws near,
I shall hold my breath
Trying to persuade my heart to beat
The look on your face
My heart and soul will remember.
I will remember you
In every moment that you were with me
In all the places we were together.
I need you
But I dare not be selfish.
You must go
I know that now
I’d ask you not to
But I will not cloud your dreams.
When you go
Take a piece of my heart with you
Keep it and be silent
Just remember that more than anything
I love you!

FOR YOU WHO MADE ME CRY

And then the day comes to this
And I feel a pain from nowhere...
No you do not hold power over me.
I forget it's over.
I forget it has ended.
Let me hold you and feel the memory of the bliss
You once brought me.
I mourn not for you
But for an angel.
Too much waiting,
Too long I have suffered,
And now one last tear
One last
For everything that was,
is, and will be.
One final twitch,
let me feel it for you
for soon it will pass
I know I should not feel it
I know it is wrong to
But then again..
I call you now
From up the sky come down.
We share but memories of the past
and hopes for the future,
But I guess now that's not important.
Tears from the heart burns
like the dying of a rose
It withers, crumbles, turns dark, stiff, cold
and then decays.
Soon all these shall pass,
but until then..
For you who made me cry,
Let it fall one last time,
One last tear
And then.. It ends.

tenkyu! tenkyu!

2005-10-03T23:33:00.000+04:00

oct 1 2005

for the 1st time in my 22 years of existence, i celebrated a birthday that actually made me feel older and well, err.. wiser, hopefully..

here are some greetings i received that made me feel so much treasured and loved..

THROUGH TEXT:

* and kauna-unahang bumati ay si PK, sept 29. dahil akala niya oct 1 na.. hahaha.. get some rest, PK.

reggie: hapi bdey my dear friend! god bless

owen ni isaac: Hapi bday leslie!

ARVIN SUN: Hapi hapi bday my dear friend! Miss u so much! I hope ul enjoy ur special day! =)

gmig. butch: Leslie! Hapi birthday! =)

mom: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! SN MATUPAD LAHAT NG MGA PANGARAP MO AT NAGPAPASALAMAT AKO KAY LORD AT ISA K S IBINIGAY NYANG ANAK KO (naiyak ako dito. hindi ko alam kung dahil sa message or sa realization na all caps pa rin magtext ang mommy ko)

.poh (aka milben): Huffy virdie, lisli! =) will greet u more later! =)

belle: BEAUTIFUL people reflect GOD in their lives. They THINK HIS thoughts, SPEAK HIS Words and LOVE without end. May YOU Remain a Beautiful Person ALWAYS. Happy birthday les! C u so0n! Mwah

belle: Happy birthday ate leslie siguro 30 years old ka na mang libre ka naman magpadala ka na lng ng cake okay ba- lynette ( belle's little sis )

michelle: gud am po! ei hapi bday po! =) luv u! Godbless =)

.tams (aka ian): Hapi bday ate les! =)

Dad: Happy bday anong oras uwi mo ( ang sweet nitong isang ito no?)

lao sun: If we commit ourselves to Christ and follow in His way. He'll give us life that satisfies with purpose for each day. =) May the Lord bless all the days of your life, happy birthday! =) - lao n milx

JC: Ate leslie! =) jc hir. Ung nakasama mo sa caravan. happy birthday! =) i wish u happiness, gu healthnd mre blessings! take care! =)

katre: Prs0ns of xceLent chractr r nt ez 2 find. Dey r Lyk d eagles.Dey fLy aL0ne & dey s0ar vry high..Happy birthday God's eagLe! enj0y urflight 2day.Fly high! =) mwah!

B9.raechie: Chuvs! Hapi 34th bday! Sna mkta kna ni mr ryt mo.Hehe. mwah!

b11.mau.sun: Think of marilyn m0nroe as she sings happy bday for JFK: happy bday 2u, happy bday 2u.. Happy bday, happy bday.. Happy bday 2u.. Happy bday les.=) mwah! - mau

kraymer: The wisest people on earth are those who have a hard time recalling their worries.. and an easy time remembering their blessings. Happy birthday!! =)

Phoebe: Happy Happy Birthday!! Musta na?! Wishing you all the best, sa family, career,love n life. Goodluck n Godbless.. Kita kits! Ingatz..

gmig.ramon2: Oi kuya belatd hapi brthday po! - ramon

alfred2: My gus!!! Ate les, happy birthday!!! c: god bless! c: kelan ang party? Hehe..

THROUGH EMAIL:

pepito: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PO. censya na ngaun lang kc pina close yung outlook e. see you in an hour... (",)

tm tony: Since Leslie will be on leave this Saturday (in time for her natal day), let's all greet her aN ADVANCE HAPPY BDAY!!! May the Lord shower you with bountiful blessings and good health! Sana lang magpakain siya dibahhhhhh! Hay naku! Hwag idolize si Pat na tatahimik tahimik lang. *LOL

crt ann: JAPPY JIRTDEY JESLIE!!!! OMG!!! Wish you health and your soulmate to come... =) Mwah!

crt my : Hapi birthday Ms Tayao.... Pasensya na now lang ko naka e-mail kc sobrang hot line kami ni Boyet aka Philita....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

team CRT : Happy Birthday Leslie! OMG!!! =)

PERSONAL GREETINGS:

a loT!!

THROUGH FRIENDSTER:

thanks to some friends who greeted me through friendster. your messages are just too long and personal to be placed here.

so to everyone, i appreciate your remembering.. =)

my opponent in you

2005-09-25T08:30:00.000+04:00

i always knew that I would do peculiar things for you
for reasons I, myself, could not comprehend
but I was still captured, caught in awe
realizing I have dangerously done something
I never thought doing
- love you.

it finally hit me and it hit me hard
bringing me to a world where hurt is abundant
and escapism is the only way out.

no.
i don't want you to think I easily gave up
the big sucker of pain in me said that this is worth the pain,
worth the effort, worth fighting for.
so i could assure you that in my own, silent way, I fought.
faced the battle against myself
and the events beyond my control.
and though i want to say i gave a good fight,
i know when to raise the white flag
and just hope that my weak strength will be enough
to face the incoming thrusts of pain.
just as i learned that at the other end of the battle field,
the one i have been in duel with all this time, is you.

LAO is a many splendored thing

2005-09-21T16:15:00.000+04:00

hope you had a great one! sorry i wasn't there..you know naman the reason..hehe.. basta, we are always here for you lang. sobrang miss ko na ikaw!!! i'm so glad to have seen the side of you unknown to many. God bless, Lao... =) Love you, friend! =)

gimme five!

2005-09-16T08:39:00.000+04:00

hey, ben sori for the late answers.. wag ka na po magalit...

para kay leslie:
1. which one would you prefer french fries, mashed potatoes, boiled potatoes, potato salad, or herbed potatoes? why?
I'd say french fries, especially if it is from McDo. I don't like mashed potatoes as they remind me of my food when i was 6 months old. Boiled potatoes are bland. Potato salad does not appeal to me at all and Herbed potatoes is something i do not remember having tasted.

2. what will you do if on the day of your wedding, you wake up with 200 pounds extra fat?
I will call my husband-to-be and asked him if he would still want me to be his wife with my additional 200 pounds. If he would say Yes. I will fly to the wedding and walk down the aisle, towards my man as the happiest bride in the world. If he says no.. well, at least I learned before I say the I dos that he is only after my gourgeous body (hehe..)and not me as a person.. but on the serious note, really, it would be a blessing that I learned how shallow his affection for me is.. then i'll go to the gym, lose those fats, make him feel sorry.. beh!

3. if you were one of the survivors of that killer tsunami, how would you pronounce "tsunami"? /tsu-nami/ or /su-nami/ or /chu-nami/? this one is tough ha.. cguro, i'll use tsunami.. the first syllable kasi sounded like asking something to go away (you know.. like tsooo!tsoo!).. siguro same thing goes for the tsunami, if i could just shoo it away than losing all those lives...

4. what Pinoy movie resembles your life?
I'd say Milan. The movie reminds me of my life in so many ways, not exactly the role of the bida but bits and pieces of the characters in it. same thing goes for kailangan Kita. Although, Sana maulit Muli is my personal favorite and I still haven't forgiven you and Ian for depriving me to watch the film last time.

5. what is your most fave Christian/Gospel/Praise&Worship song? Why?
I would say " Stand In Awe" because that has always been how God is in my life, he's just so amazing that you'll be awed. But i would say "Heart of Worship" is coming as a close second.

para sa pinakaguwapong panget..hehe..

2005-09-01T07:30:00.000+04:00

from this little cutie....

you have grown to be this ....

so what happened?.. hehe.. joke lang.=)
well,i would have to say that i am glad that somewhere along your 21 years, we've met and became friends and as you say, i should feel lucky and honored..sige na nga. basta, you know naman that i will always be here lang for you.. hahaha.. i'd have to stop here before this goes mushy! basta, more fun with you and the rest of the gang in the Big Brother haus...

To you and Kraymer boy, who is also one hell of an astig guy...

simply js

2005-08-28T11:09:00.000+04:00

happy birthday js! i enjoyed the star city with you.. =)

mac&me

2005-07-25T18:31:00.000+04:00

resource center:
im sitting here facing this computer, headset plugged in my ears connected to that mac mini whose size still amazes me, listening to music from the tristancafe site. i really don't know what to write about. shift is over but just wanna stay and write something spontaneous. you know, something senseless.. but spontaneous...

just done with 5 straight working days. or should i say nights. the last 2, i haven't even noticed. they being a "kumpleto ang barkada" shift. just as expected, full of fun, happy thoughts and happy talks. liz , her assignment on passive listening and her promised lunch once she passes the subject. isaac and his being mrs. raymond gutierrez. ann and how she slaps on my and raechelle's faces our "shortcomings". ate tin, the "risk again" campaign and he whose name should not be mentioned, raechelle and the conversation equating guys to the word "insensitive" . friendhsip rae who will be celebrating an anniversary soon. mark and oh,please expect me to remind you about that thing everyday. sabog ka talaga sa amin. pat and how she justified the term hot mama. let's not forget cdo, the honorary member. omg! and me.. well, just me. just me. just me. just me. enough. these people might think they do have significance in my life. duh!

a lot of things going on in my mind. some about me. mostly, about people around me. bakit ko nga ba pinoproblema to? hay..
i want to put them all in writing maybe to release myself from them. even just a bit. but i'd rather not. however you shout it to their faces, katangahan is something they opted to embrace. can't stop thinking just how fragile she is, how misjudged and how i misses her. the idea of betrayal in response to your all-out giving. knowing what you want to do with your life and learning that it comes with extra baggages known as fears and doubts. people thinking you are so fine as they look through the facade and the wall of strength you have been building that will break down with the littlest force. that feeling of loving and hating someone all at the same time. the rising and setting of the sun. hoping that this phase be over soon and to just wake up already in the next stage. the pain of being such a failure to them. the greater pain of being a failure to yourself. longing for something you do not know. and whoever gave her the right to take your heart away when for so long you were mine? yes, this is part of a song. and yes, this describes exactly how hurting it is. everything doing some turning on and turning off. yup, turning off included. turn on, turn off. turn on, turn off. turn on, turn off. endless. until the call for a final ending. everything being a big masquerade. the difference between being happy and being joyful and the absence of both for some. humility and the idea of keeping one's self grounded. the gift of listening and how tiring it is sometimes especially when you' re demanding for your turn to talk. loving someone so much it makes you want to cry of joy. loving someone so much it makes you want to laugh the pain away. having the desire to grow up at last. realizing the difficulty of growing up. the many things you want to do and how uncooperative time is.

this is beginning to be too senseless. but it makes sense to me, you know, just like putting milk on my cereal and coffemate on my coffe.

or could it make sense for some as well?

and yes, spontaneity in its truest definition..

iantot

2005-07-16T10:30:00.000+04:00

thanks for your good morning letter. that, indeed, was so touching. thanks for always praying for me and I will continue to do the same for you. God bless you always...
happy birthday, dong! love you! =)

same ground

2005-07-02T22:04:00.000+04:00

the first kitchie nadal song i was able to appreciate. yup! when everyone else was going gaga over nadal, i was thinking of her as a bitch who does a metamorphosing effect with her voice making it bigger and huskier. but she was able to redeem herself a bit and proved that she is more than a girl who can strum her guitar in front of onemig bondoc. well, this song was soulfully sung radiating that hurt it wants to convey.

My love,
Its been a long time since I cried
And left you out of the blue.
Its hard
Leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.
Self-denial is a game
Its strange I never would've
Wanted 'till there was you.

**'cause I have learned that love is beyond
What human can imagine,
More it clears the more I have to let you go.

[chorus:]
But now I don't understand why I'm feeling
So bad now when I know it was my idea.
I could've just denied the truth and lied.
But why am I the only one standing stranded
On the same ground?

[repeat verse except **]
'cause I have learned that love is a
Word gets thrown a little bit too much.
The best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
I would never ever have to if

[repeat chorus]

When all else fail,
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,
Would you be brave
To see right through me?

broom broom!

2005-06-26T20:54:00.000+04:00

instead of riding the mrt, i usually take the bus going to work for two reasons. one, lesser effort. you could just imagine how my face would distort in dismay whenever that escalator would not work at times when i just needed it the most. two, all mrt employees would have been in their lovely abode by that time. well, graveyard shift and all that.

waiting for the bus is a dreaded moment for me, when most of my patience are being put to test. imagine a very late evening in philcoa with lesser people and lesser PUJs and PUVs. there would be a strong impulse to jump into the first bus that comes along. but i would have to wait for a specific one that is:

1) non -airconditioned ( airconditioned buses would go Ortigas Ilalim and would take me a lifetime before getting me to my beloved rcbc.)
2) Cubao Ilalim ( the usual heavy traffic is in this area, and yes the most unpredictable ones as well, so one can never be so sure maybe even if its 3 am)
3) Crossing Ilalim (don't you dare! this area apparently has been declared as the unofficial terminal where green lights don't exist. )

if i would want a hassle-free ride, I would have to patiently wait for this bus. otherwise, i would have to endure a journey through EDSA worrying for a heavy traffic i might encounter along the way. i would have to admit that there are times i would grow impatient and compromise ( "okay, so this is not a Cubao Ilalim but at least non-aircon and is Crossing Ilalim! could save some of my time.. Para manong, sasakay po!" or "oh my, i'll be late! all are ibabaws! let me have the next non aircon bus!"). and so goes that anxiety-filled ride.

in one of the bus rides i had, i wondered if waiting for the bus and for love are the same. but of course for the latter, there should be no room for compromises. i will not be able to take the anxieties along the journey. i know i would still want to wait for my " non-airconditioned, Cubao Ilalim, Crossing Ilalim" even if i would have to go against my own patience in the solitude, dark, sometimes even rainy nights. and when i would finally hop to go for that ride, i would gladly give my bus fare, together with all the sacrifices it may require from me to manong konduktor, and would say "it was all worth it". well, the Driver is in control. =)

hay, kaLucresia Kasilag itech! i-sight niyo!

2005-06-24T19:55:00.000+04:00

malaysia ko kng trueness itech. pero funny naman e, kaya keri na.. pantapat sa badingerz entry ni alfred...

Chorvah has its etymology from the Greek word cheorvamus meaning “for lack of the right word to say”, or “in place of anything you want to express but cannot verbalize”. Ibig sabihin pala, siya ay parang “aloha” sa wikang Hawaiiano, which can mean many, many things. “Chorvah” can be used as:

Noun: “ano” / “kwan” / “or something”
“Ate Glow, kelan yung birthday chorvah ni Big Mike?”
“Hoy, Vicky ‘to, whatcha gonna wear ba? The sporty or the chinese chorvah mo?

Adjective: used if you want to be polite.
“Ang chorvah naman niyan!” ( So, ano ba? Pangit ba o maganda? Baduy ba or ang arte?) They will never know what you really mean. How polite!

Verb: can replace any verb
“Chorvah lang ng chorvah!”

Chorvah is such an amazing word, it lets you choose your own adventure. At least you will never be accused of putting words in somebody else’s mouth. If you don’t have anything to say, or you can’t find the right word to say, or you want to say something but you don’t know how to say it, just say CHORVAH!

Variations: Chuvah, Chenes, Chenelyn
“Glossarychina”

Common words
1. bakla - badingkiwinki, baklush, badinggirsi, belatchina, lolames, ladladera
2. kunin - getzing, getluckin, gora, grabichina.
3. cigarette - bugaret, suba, subarou, bugarou
4. guapo - cucoo, bio, viola, pogichina, beeway,biyao
5. house - balay, houseching
6. talo - loss, Luz Valdez, Luz Clarita
7. wala - wiz, witchelles, nada, zerowena
8. cheap - changa, chipagis, chepay
9. rich - rica paralejo, ritcheles, rika
10. silay - aura-aura

haha.. Funesia no! I'm sure, warla kayong lahat! hahaha.. klapeypey-klapeypey! Chever! =)

he triggered it all

2005-06-19T20:51:00.000+04:00

yup.. he triggered all my love for the sport! =) Happy Birthday, Triggerman !!!

does she ring your bell?

2005-05-30T06:40:00.000+04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLE!!! yeah i know, you'll tell me this is way late as your birthday "ate" belle was back in May 20 pa.. but since we never did any formal celebration yet, okay pa rin.

Wow! one of my super bestest friends in the world just turned 22! =) and as give a tribute for you here in my dearest too good to be true blog, let me post my firendster testimonial.. i know, naiyak ka dito..

if belle would be a bell, i guess i'll be deaf by now (O.A.!)... imagine hearing the ringing from grade 1!! yup, that's right. we've been clasmates since grade 1, became barkada in high school, dormmates in college, blockmates, orgmates, choirmates, classmates, then eventually lovers!!!(huwattt!!!) joke lang! hindi nga kami maintriga kahit na ano gawin namin (remember, in vivere hotel i took a bath with you?). belle is the type of person na i can just sit down with and talk about evrything, eminisce our past, evaluate our today, or plan for tomorrow.... i know, i know, we dont often hang around now...differences in our priorities and schedules, maybe... but you know our kind of friendship is something that is not high maintenance, i can just live it in a corner and do my things without a doubt that i can always go back to that corner and still find it there waiting for me with open arms...between us, she's sweeter, she never failed to give me gifts on my birthday you know.. guilty nga ako e.. kasi for my past two birthdays, i wasn't able to spend the eve with her and yet when i went back to my room, there's a gift waiting for me and a note that she waited but too sleepy to wait any longer...she is so patient pa when it comes to my stories. she never fails to lend ears and she's one of the very few na kilala siguro ako inside out... she knows just what i feel even before i could say it.. sometimes i am thinking if she's my soulmate (uyyy!) no, really!! im so nostalgic na here... basta belle, i may not say it but i'll always be here... just be assured that whatever you do, someone's
here to support you all the way.. "and when you've flown into great heights and all you dreams are taking place and when you laughed into the world, i too shall laughed" hehe.. pirated itong last line...

hay girl, sobrang miss na talaga kita.. lunch natin ha.. iterat mo pa.. overnyt ulit ako.. ready your house with some tissue and an all-night kwento.. let's do it next time pag bagong sweldo tayo pareho.. and please, file a VL! miss you so much.. love you.. =)

one of today's sweeter songs

2005-05-20T22:34:00.000+04:00

YOU'LL BE SAFE HERE
Rivermaya

Nobody knows just why we're here/ Could it be fate or random circumstance/
At the right place, at the right time/ Two roads intertwine
And if the universe conspired/ To meld our lives, to make us fuel and fire/
Then know wherever you will be so too shall I be
[CHORUS]
Close your eyes, dry your tears/ 'Coz when nothing seems clear/ You'll be safe here
From the sheer weight of your doubts and fears
Weary heart/ You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed until we cried/ At the most stupid things like we were so high
But love was all that we were on, we belong
And though the world would never understand/ This unlikely union and why it still stands
Someday we will be set free/ Pray and believe
[CHORUS]
When the light disappears/ And when this world's insincere/ You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream/ I'll scream with you/ You'll be safe here

Save your eyes from your tears/ When everything's unclear/ You'll be safe here
From the sheer weight of your doubts and fears/ Wounded heart
When the light disappears and when this world's insincere/ You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream, I'll scream with you/ You'll be safe here
In my arms through the long cold night/ Sleep tight/ You'll be safe here

When no one understands/ I'll believe
You'll be safe/ You'll be safe/ You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands/ You'll be safe here

a shot back..

2005-05-09T06:43:00.000+04:00

In love, I've learned one very important fact, which I had earlier been so foolish to disregard, a simple question that goes like:

"Before you talk about finding the right person, have you ever considered yourself being the right person for anyone?"

The question shot back at me when I asked a friend:

"How do you know that it's the right person?"

How ironic, isn't it?

Point being, we should be more of the "right person", for our personal growth, likewise, to be ready to love someone without being a burden (or at least be less of a burden, hehehe)

Although it's true each person has his or her own share of shortcomings and strengths, how true it is that we neglect to realize how much we need to rectify ourselves to become better individuals, instead of spending time whining about someone elses shortcomings, love lost, or love unfound.

But then again, Im no expert, as I have so much more to learn.

*thanks to joshyboy of IHG

To my huggable, sweetest, most gwapo ever dad...

2005-05-01T22:09:00.000+04:00

on my way home, i held on tight to my dad's framed grad pic, a gift i promised to give him to match the one i gave mom during her recent birthday. i stared at the photo, seeing so much of me in him. the man that i love and abhor at the same time is exactly my carbon copy. he was so young in the pic but last april 25, he had just turned 51. 21 of those years spent playing the role of a father.

People used to say that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. Well, my dad and I could be living testimonies to that statement. I could say that we had some of the greatest fights ever known. ( hehe, exaggerated, i know!) . We would quarrel over almost everything - family matters, education, religion, personal beliefs, politics, priorities in life, economics, including petty things such as TV channels, the time he would pick me up, basketball games, on how i have always been late, on how he has always been a nagger. But of course, when i say fight, it's not the almost boxing matches scene. hey, he is still my father! these are more of overly-exaggerated tampuhan.

but like any sweethearts coming from a fight, the sweetest moments between me and my dad is the suyuan stage. when all tempers have hyped down, and one would feel sorry for hurting the other, we will make up for what we did. i would bring him cake as a peace offering or he would invite me to a father-daughter date in a videoke session ( actually, a videoke challenge). there are times that forgiving wouldn't be so easy. and so the pakipot stage would come into the picture. when it was him who is making the "suyo", i usually make it difficult for him, not speaking with him for almost 3 days which will make him nuts. ain't that cute? haha..

of course, we don't just do fights all our lives. we have a lot of sweet moments as well that i truly treasure. i usually like it when my dad is super sweet, texting me just to check exactly where i'm at, asking if i have already taken lunch, or when he would force me to sleep when he thinks i need one.Or whenever he would assure me that he will pin down the guy who would break my heart. it brings complete joy to me whenever i see that little boy in my dad and when he could never wipe away that boyish smile in his face when i call him "gwapo". In those nights when we don't feel like watching TV, we usually talk underneath the stars to just make plans for our family. Planning the future with dad is a reassurance for me coz when he is there, evrything else seems to be just alright. My favorite will be cuddling with my dad. I love hugging him. Brings a lot of comfort to me.

well, you see, my dad is not the perfect father in the world. He had caused me a lot of headaches and heartaches in the past. i have hated him a lot times already. but you see, i'm not a perfect daughter as well, i know i have hurt him as much too, caused him troubles, gave him disappointments. we are not perfect daughter and father but i sure know we are a perfect pair. hey, no one else will be able to handle my dad the way i do! i love him for the same reasons that i hate him.. confusing? well, whatever! it just works for us. and i just love it the way it is..

shine

2005-03-30T11:10:00.000+04:00

it was one of those rare ocassions that i get to enjoy the luxury of television when i saw the ad with this song as jingle. i suddenly was absorbed by the lyrics. can't help but rememeber that moment when God chose me and showed His glorious light. Sure enough i had a lot of dim moments after that, but everytime i was dumped into darkness, He would pick me up and would shine in His wondrous light, so bright that all my flaws are concealed and only His light will shine through.surely, i will never look or sing this song the same way again..

There I was alone in the shadow
Couldn't find my way
Then you came in
And brought along the sunshine
Now you're here to stay

(Chorus) You make me shine, shine
Like the stars in the heavens
Shine, shine
You keep me shinning through
Shine, shine
With the light that you give in, it's true
I'm shinning on, all because of you

So watch me go
A light shines within me
People ask me why
And I just smile & tell them you're the reason
I've cast the darkness aside

(Repeat Chorus)

(Coda) Like a ray of light
Coming through the night
bright as the stars in the sky
See how I shine
(Repeat Chorus 2x until fade

mailbox

2005-03-23T11:01:00.000+04:00

it would be one of my almost ordinary days. there would be me , wearing my most comfortable shirt and jeans. one of my not so busy days. i would just be sitting on the front porch swing, slowly moving with the hanging seat, no room for rush. no, never on this day!
i would be drinking iced tea, reading a novel perhaps, which i would put down at the sound of that truck.
and there he would be in his good old harry that drove him through life's tiring journey. there he would be, my robert kincaid. as he''ll approach my mailbox, it will read "leslie tayao". just me. just my name. never a "richard johnson" or any other name who doesn't know how to drink brandy with me.
he would ask me for directions to that place he so long wanted to go to. and i would gladly show him the way. and we will go and travel.
we would drink brandy on balconies in Mombasa, or maybe watch dhows from Arabia run up their sails in the first wind of morning. he'll show me the lion country and an old French city on the Bay of Bengal where he'll bring me to that wonderful rooftop restaurant. but i would not ask for much. i'll be glad to just hand him his camera as he takes picture of the wonders of life. or maybe if he gets tired of the road, we'll just set up a shop somewhere or just whatever it takes to keep us going.
at the moment that he would ask me to go with him, i will go. because i have waited for this moment. made sure that i would not be tied with the realness of the responsibility of the county. because i believe in that same thing he believes in. that in a universe of ambiguity, this kind of certainty comes only once and never again, no matter how many lifetimes we will live. and after sometime, maybe, just maybe, we can ask a waller to write our story.

hey yo mamiyo!

2005-03-14T11:31:00.000+04:00

what can i say? it's your birthday again... and just like the good'ol days, im giving some flowers and a cake and a gift. for the nth time, i wanted it to be something grand! something extravagant, something you deserve. but here i go again with the kiss and all my sweet nothings. when will i ever find the perfect gift? something that could tell just how much thankful i am for all the things you've done for me. material thing or whatever! but i can't come up with one. if i'll just know it, i'll work my ass out just to give that to you.
sometimes, i do not know if i had told you how much i love you. or much more if had shown that to you. if only you could read this, ma!
i just looked at you this morning. i could see the signs of the 48 years, the wrinkles could be due to the 21 of those years spent with me. i know i have never been a difficult child because you just know how to raise us well. but everytime i would think of all that we went through as a family, with dad and michelle, i could swear to the world that we will never have to go through those again. you will never have to go through that again, never in your life, ma!
i know sometimes, well, a lot of times, you are so possessive of me, always wanting me by your side. but i want you to know that eventhough i do whine at times, i want to feel needed by you. i want to be there for you to provide strength when you badly need one. strength that you yourself taught me. strength that came from you. i can always be your shock absorber when the world doesn't seem to go right for us. and i hate myself for the times i felt tired of doing these things for you.
sometimes i feel that your world just revolve around us. i know you have a life too before we came to your world. but you never had a second thought to just drop that life in exchange for us. i hope i could put into words just how thankful i am but i can't. after my salvation, you are God's greatest blessing to me. thank you for always being the understanding mom that you are, for listening to my concerns, for giving value to what is important for me and giving value to what i say, for covering up for me , for forgiving me a zillion times, for listening to my pains, my heartaches, for loving me with all your heart, unconditionally, for being my best friend, for crying with me, for rejoicing for all my triumphs, well, not that i have a lot, for being my strength. ma, i just want to tell you that i love you so much! more than i can say, more than i could show! thank you for your sweet big heart for me, I love you ssooooooooo much! i could disappoint the whole world but not you, ma. happy birthday ma! i love you...

seven wonders of the world

2005-03-10T23:23:00.000+04:00

***this is so nice, no? =)

Careerwoman

2005-02-28T06:47:00.000+04:00

n. babaeng nangangarir (as defined by will, insisting that he is one)

starbucks to me is more than just frappuccinos and belgian waffles. it is a place where i could say i had some of my best conversations. may it be with friends, roommates, batchmates, or officemates. may it be in katipunan, greenbelt or eastwood.

and as expected, starbucks never failed to serve its purpose during my last visit.

SETTING: Starbucks G4 balcony overlooking the Ayala center

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
Mommy Shawie - the only soul among the group who is settled in marriage. who sees her husband only during weekends

Pria - Jasmine Trias look-alike, i mean, the prettier version of Jasmine, and who has a to-die for american accent

Maebe - the first-lady to the congressman.. ooopps,put it as the second lady to the congressman, and i'm not sure if the congressman knows about this

Aby - the pretty little girl and her big mouth with her never-ending stories about her college friends and a drama class she had.

Leslie - that's me! the ever-reliable and awesome, beauty and brains training assistant (what?!? this is my blog ryt?)

Will - a half-filipino, half- filipina, self-confessed goddess

during the last day of training, the whole of batch 18 decided to go out and unwind a bit after 2 weeks of pressure in HOT unit. i, being their "perpetual help" in HOT unit since they were left only under my care with no trainer, agreed that it is high time for me to go out as well. the past week was deadly - pressures from work, family responsibilities, disappointments, endless contemplations and a beauty pageant.

unfortunately, not all was able to go. and abe had to leave early as i literally forced him to render EH (extra hours of work)for that nyt. so we said our goodbyes to him while i digged into mommy shawie's plate for some sisig from Dencio's. (grabe, ang sarap ng sisig na ito!)

and then, starbucks got into the picture. i know i should be going home at that point as the next day will be a long trip to the province. but then, it's not everyday that you take a sip of your coffee with model-looking individuals ( hmmm.. will, your eyes!). and it's not everyday that you get to see robin padilla and rhoderick paulate.. hehe.. especially rhoderick!=)

and so the meaty conversations begun. evryone started to open up about their own life which i would say i enjoyed a lot, leaving me with another set of life's great lessons. for the past three weeks in training i tried to put up a very professional facade in front of them. but my attempts failed. as i started to discovered the beauty in each personality. and so i would say i went out not with my trainees but with a bunch of friends...

fallen

2005-02-24T05:27:00.000+04:00

just trying to look into old stuffs when i saw an old notebook with this song. my first band-like performance in Yakal during Jologs200k with ew1 pips.. original composition by smith.

Smith on guitar
Ralph on drum ( 1 lang)
Leya on bass guitar
Glenny and Leslie for vocals
on violin, oh my i forgot his name but i'll edit this as soon as i remember his name

and so it goes...

Chorus:
Fallen over you
It's just so hard to do
I've kept it all inside
After all this time

I
Lately, I've been falling over you
Lately, I've been looking for your smile
Maybe you have fallen for me too
Baby, can't you see

* Chorus

II
Lately, you've been walking by my side
Lately, all the teardrops seem to hide
Maybe you've been running through my mind
Baby, could it be?

* Repeat chorus till fade

left alone

2005-02-23T19:31:00.000+04:00

(a poem written for me by a friend as this describes daw how stupid i am with love..i don't know if that's a compliment but to that friend, thanks! =)...)

you laughed,
i smiled.
you wept,
i cried.
what you began,
i finished.
what you started,
i furnished.

you hoped,
i wished.
you jumped,
i leapt.
you watched her,
while i stared at you.
you longed for her,
i prayed for you.

you gave her
what i offered.
you brought her
what i sought.
you thought of her
when i dreamt of you.

when you won her
i lost you.

.

L.S.S.

2005-02-07T20:08:00.001+04:00

2nd day at the training room just ended. yup! after 8 months on the floor, i'm back in training again. not retraining though. im way too good for that.. wahaha.. seriously, im just gonna play the part of the training assistant for a bunch of aspiring agents. this means a lot of things to me.. time off the phone , petiks moments, got to meet other people, do a little power-tripping, new environment being on the 29th flr this time, a new sked, and the thing is that i'm basically doing nothing! the good part is i'm being paid for that.. im just asked to share my experiences and assist in teaching the systems. and oh, we listen to music (cds) as well.. not bad for a job, huh!

speaking of music, here's my LSS. loved it the first time i heard it sang by Lea Salonga in her Broadway Concert.. enjoy..=)

I Don't Know How To Love Him
(from the play Jesus Christ Superstar)

I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days
When I've seen myself
I seem like someone else

I don't know how to take this
I don't see why he moves me
He's a man
He's just a man
And I've had so many
Men before
In very many ways
He's just one more

Should I bring him down
Should I scream and shout
Should I speak of love
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny
I should be in this position?
I'm the one
Who's always been
So calm so cool
No lover's fool
Running every show
He scares me so
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?

Yet
If he said he loved me
I'd be lost
I'd be frightened
I couldn't cope
Just couldn't cope
I'd turn my head
I'd back away
I wouldn't want to know
He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so

sonnet xvii:love

2005-02-03T22:52:00.000+04:00

(an appetizer for the love month.. pirated from the pages of the ew1 boys' logbook.. yup, the logbook's with me. don't tell rey.. hehe.. shhhh...)

i don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnation that propagate fire;
i love you as certain dark things are loved
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
i love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
i love you simply without problems or pride;
i love you in this way because i don't know any other way of loving.

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when i fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

--pablo neruda

Self-Serendipity

2005-02-01T06:43:00.000+04:00

(accidentally discovering yourself after losing it)

After a night of all-out singing and after watching a movie I so long wanted to see, I realized something...

I've lost myself.

I am not the person I thought I would become. My priorities have changed, leading me to a life I never thought living. Others may call it maturity. Some might not even notice. But to me, it's maneouver, changing lanes or maybe more of turning to a different direction.

Where had the funny, optimistic, hopeless romantic girl gone? How could I just trade all I dreamt of for the sake of convenience?

Well, of course, this is a little safer. And the Me-now will be satisfied. But safety and satisfaction does not guarantee happiness and fulfillment. No regrets though. Never. Not even a bit. I still know what I want and am still praying for it to happen. But the Me-now, with all the life's lessons and maturity, should look for the Me-I used to know, the Me- I've Iost, to be the Me-I wanted to be -- the Real-Me.

dream of me

2005-01-21T01:07:00.000+04:00

by Kirsten Dunst [From Album : Get Over It Motion Picture Soundtrack]

Let me sleep
For when I sleep I dream that you're here
You're mine and all my fears are left behind
I flew on air and nightingale sings a gentle lullaby
So let me close my eyes

And sleep a chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch, to kiss
My only dreams can bring me this

so let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams he'll dream of me

And high beneath the clouds
I'd whisper to the evening stars
Tell me love, he's just a dream away, dream away
A dream away

So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams, he'll dream of me

Oh.... dream of me

or else....hehe...

2005-01-19T01:27:00.000+04:00

On my way to work, I couldn't help but think about yesterday. Well, it's not everyday that you get to spend time with an old friend. I was just near his office so i decided to drop by to meet him. I grabbed out my phone.

ei, til wat tym is ur work?
im just w/in the area...
wanna meet?.. ü

The next hour I already found myself sharing a wonderful dinner with him. He has changed. Tremenduously changed. But I know that the person infront of me is the same one that i used to share my life stories with back in college.

"So how's work?", i asked. After months of not seeing each other, I still feel at home with him.

"Doing good so far. But maybe this job is not for me. I wanted to do something else. You know well of that. How about you?", he said lifting the fork towards his mouth. He always loved pasta.

I told him that i'm doing okay. That I'm just trying to enjoy my work although I also have plans of looking for something else someday.

"You know what, I always knew that you would do good at work.With whatever kind of work it may be. You were so persistent back in college. You always seem to enjoy pressure. Not even shaken by it.", he said looking at me directly.

He was never the kind who gives compliments often so this somehow surprised me. Or maybe this is what usually happens to people after being away from each other for sometime. I just smiled and asked if he is still communicating with Andrea.

"Sometimes.But things has actually changed for us. We used to text. She used to call me. But not anymore. I actually don't know what happened. People changes. Sometimes, they will just have a life of their own which they can live even without you in it.", he said trying to laugh it off. I checked if there was bitterness in his voice. None. He seemed to be completely over her.

"How about you? Have you met your "the one"?, he asked teasingly.

I just smiled. With the so many people we are meeting these days, it's difficult to tell if our "the one" has already arrived. Sometimes, even if there is already a person in our lives that we love so much and cherish, we still can't be so sure. He knows so well how coward I am when it comes to love because of the fear to get hurt. But I told him that I am still praying for "him". If there is something similar about us and which I could say would set the two of us apart from our friends is that we both don't want to waste our time and effort for a bad relationship. We'd rather wait for the right one. For our The One. I just don't know what actually happened with him and Andrea.

"You know what, I always thought you and Andrea would end up together.", I commented. Yes, that was what I thought but there's something in me rejoicing that it never happened. My friend here just deserves someone better.

He just laughed. Looked out the window.

"Did you know that I almost courted you in second year?", he said after a moment. For sometime, I didn't know how to react. At last, i got the courage to laugh, in shock and complete disbelief.

"And you know very well that it would not work. It's just an incest!", I said. Still laughing.

"Have you ever felt deeply hurt because of love?", he asked. From where he got the question, I don't know.

"A thousand times and you know them all.", i answered, reminiscing the times i would cry to him because of some stupid guy.

"Is it worth it? I mean, will you still be able to trust? Would you try it again even if you know that there is a possibility that you'll just get hurt?," he asked, once again staring out the window. At that time I want to kill myself for seeing him ask those questions out of pain but not knowing what actually caused such deep hurt in him.

"I guess I will. Remeber how you call me the most hopeless of all the hopeless romantics you've known."

"And you still are. So hopeless! When will you ever learn?," he said, teasing me again.

"Actually, when will WE ever learn?", I smiled at the sight of the glow back in his eyes.

We still talked for about an hour, not anymore about love. Basically, reminiscing of how stupid we were like back in college and the million bloopers we had together. It was the best laugh I had after such a long time.

We finally decided that it's getting late and we better call it a night. He insisted to drop me off my place. I absolutely refused because it was out of his way but the gentleman side of him still never fades. We said our goodbyes but promised to meet again. Maybe next week.

I'm all washed up and ready to sleep when i remembered to text him.

ur afraid dat if u commit ur heart
& ur love 2 sam1, ul get hurt...
wel, u wil. u r goin 2 hav problems
& pain & anger...
but ul also hav joy. great joy!.. ü

too tired to come up with a juicy title...

2005-01-12T23:43:00.002+04:00

totally exhausted!
yup, that's the exact word. or that could be an understatement.
though i just had a little sleep, i went to work pretty excited ( well, this could also mean i went to work pretty and excited.. hehe) to see my officemates only to find out that there were some changes in the system for today and i had to take reservations. a lot of reservations! and that again is an understatement.

adding to this are gretel and alfred flooding my inbox with love issues, of mind and of heart. and of course, kuya egai coming up with ideas i dunno where he got from.

but in the middle of my chaotic world, a member would tell me how grateful he is that i was able to help him, how he could sense the willingness in me to address his concern and how he could feel the smile on my face delighted to be of service.
now that really put me on a high. these are the joys of customer service. despite the numerous irate members you would encounter, however unreasonable some may be and however demanding the job is, a two or three of these joys would really make your day.

and to top it all, minutes before ending my shift, i got an agent compliment! though this is not the first, it never fails to give joy seeing the grin in my supervisor's face.

Awesome!
WOW!
and that's an understatement...

the visit

2005-01-11T01:34:00.003+04:00

complete silence. alone. the night was still.
birds chirping. the environment was peaceful. but not me.

the last time i visited you like this, i was all torn, confused, lost and just didn't know what to do.
same as now.
two days ago, i just spoke with you and told you of my plans for the year. great plans, indeed.
how fast you responded. checking how serious i was about what i said. too fast, i wasn't even able grasp it all.
so i came here to tell you that i am completely serious about everything. can't it be just like that? can't you just take my word for it?

i know that the answer is no. you really wanted proof. you had to put me into this test. and you know so well that i don't wanna fail you. no, not you who has been so faithful. especially the last time. so, can i just ask you for some time to have myself ready? just some time before i do what i should.

i will be completely honest with you as you fully know my heart. i'm shaken. i'm doubting of my strength to get through this. im anxious, worried and in panic.

and as expected, you always have the words to calm me down, to tell me that everything will be alright. once again, you told me to trust you and to acknowledge that i have to go through this for a reason, for the lesson. i felt the need to just repent. to you more than anybody else. then realizations just flowed. too much i almost drowned. some i couldn't accept. some truth i tried to deny. but who am i fooling?

once again, you never failed me however unfaithful and inconsistent i am. may you just sustain me.
i'm tired. i just wanna go home.
i need to go home.

i pull out the walkman from my bag as i slowly start to walk out of your house. maybe i need some music. just so there would be something to accompany me in the stillness of the night. and the song goes..

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home..

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you

kanlungan

2005-01-01T05:30:00.000+04:00

4 na oras at kalahati din ang itinagal ng biyahe. nakakahilo ang paliku-likong daan. pero hindi na ako nagsuka, hindi tulad ng dati, halos 5 na taon ang nakakaraan.

hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa ko dito. ito ay isang lugar na hindi ko kilala. parang ikaw, hindi na kita kilala. o mas mainam sigurong sabihin na hindi ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon na makilala ka at ikaw na makilala ako.

ang alam niya nasa tagaytay ako ngayon kasama ang mga officemates ko. nagbabakasyon. ngayon lang ako nagsinungaling sa kanya..hindi ako sanay pero gusto ko na lang isipin na para rin naman ito sa kanya e. para sa akin. para sa amin.

naramdaman ko ang pamilyar na haplos ng malamig na hangin sa aking mukha habang napapalibutan ng mga puno na tila bahagi na ng pagkatao ko.

bakit nga ba ako nandito gayung alam ko namang wala ka?

pumasok ako sa loob. buti na lang at walang tao dahil bakasyon. pag may nagtanong kung anong ginagawa ko dito, magkukunwari na lang akong naligaw.

ibang-iba na ang lugar na ito kumpara sa nakatatak sa mapurol kong memorya. iba na ang kulay ng mga building. nadagdagan pa nga yata sila. medyo moderno na rin ang mga gamit sa paligid. pero ang punong ito ay matayog pa rin. ang punong sinandalan mo nang una kitang nakita na nag-gigitara at nang tiningala mo ako habang ako'y nasa ikalawang palapag ng building na ngayon ay kulay orange na. naaalala ko pa nang magpakilala ka sa akin. medyo hindi maganda ang tunog ng pangalan mo pero okay na din.

pare, niyanig mo ang mundo ko noon...

ngayon, pinagmumukha mo akong tanga dito. para akong baliw na gumagawa ng sariling music video. palakad-lakad. paling-linga. hahaplusin ang puno.

ano ba talaga ang ginagawa ko dito? ni hindi naman kita makikita. hindi makakausap. pero ayoko na kasi na tuwing magpaPasko, naaalala kita.. tuwing nababanggit ang lugar na ito, hindi ko maiwasang isipin kung kumusta ka na kaya, kung ano ang naging buhay mo. ayoko na yung pakiramdam na kinakabahan pa rin tuwing makikita ko ang mga bagay na bigay mo. o ang maalala ka tuwing maririnig ang Pasko na Sinta Ko.

gusto na kitang kalimutan. hindi na kita mahal kung yun ang iniisip mo. gusto ko nang sa iba ialay ang pagmamahal at pag-aalaga na dati ay para sayo lang. kaya gusto ko nang magsimula nang panibago. na wala ka na. na isa ka na lang alaalang hindi na ako kayang maapektuhan pa.

ito ang pangalawa at huling pagkakataon na yayapak ako sa lugar na ito dala ang pag-asang hatid mo.

pero hindi naman kita gustong tuluyang makalimutan e. napakaganda mong bahagi ng buhay ko para kalimutan lang. balang-araw gusto pa din kitang makita, kumustahin. tanungin kung naaalala mo pa ako.. yun ay kung makikilala pa kita. pero sa ngayon oras na para bumalik sa buhay ko. ang buhay ko ngayon. hindi ko alam kung nakatulong ang pagpunta ko dito. hindi ko alam kung pagbalik ko mayroon bang magiging pagbabago. basta, ang alam ko lang minsan kailangang tapusin ang isang kabanata para makapagsimula ng panibago. at ito ang siyang aking ginawa.

eto na ang dyip na magdadala sa akin sa terminal ng bus. tatahakin ang daan na nilakbay ko noon nang iwanan kita.

"Manong, sa bayan ho. isa lang."

Kinuha ni manong ang bayad. kasunod noon ay ang pag-ilanlang ng musika mula sa speaker ng dyip..

panapanahon ang pagkakataon...
maibabalik ba ang kahapon...

ngayon ikaw ay nagbalik..
tulad ko rin ang yong pananabik...
makita ang dating kanlungan...
tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap...
nagyon ay naglaho na...
saan hahanapin pa...

i have learned... (2004 edition)

2004-12-31T21:45:00.000+04:00

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED....

another year just passed and this post, i guess, is just the perfect way to end the year.
aside from learning how to blog, 2004 taught me a lot of things about life. and as i look back in the year that was, i could say that it was a wonderful one indeed, full of life-changing events.

so many things happened. struggled for studies, graduated, searched for a job, landed in one, met new friends, rekindled old ones, laughed, cried, had abundance, been broke, had life's great depressions, been into a lot of emotional highs, etc.. etc...

i would say that this is a very crucial year for me, in a lot of my life's aspects...

now let me revise one of my favorite emails from my batchmates and put it in here as i tell you the things i have learned for the year.... some of them i learned through own experience, some by watching the life of people around me...

so sit back , relax, reminisce and learn as i tell you what 2004 has taught me about...

LOVE

-that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be love. The rest is up to them.
- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
- that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
- that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

FRIENDSHIP

- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

SELF

- that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
- that no matter what the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
- that you can keep going long after you think you can.
- that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

PEOPLE

- that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
- that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
- that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

LIFE

- that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
- that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
- that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.After that, you'd better know something.
- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
- that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

FORGIVENESS

- that learning to forgive takes practice.
- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

FAMILY

- that as much as they would want to, your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related with can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again.
- that there really is no place like home.
- that no matter how you would dislike them sometimes and however difficult they may be, they are still the most important people in your life.

SUCCESS

- that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
- that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.
- that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

a lesson learned at christmas eve

2004-12-27T22:07:00.000+04:00

christmas won't be the same without you...
christmas won't be the same if you're gone...
all i need to see standing by my christmas tree is you..
christmas won't be the same without you...

my idea of a perfect christmas is to spend it with you...
in a party or dinner for two...
anywhere would do...

oh i just want him for my own
more than you could ever known
make my wish come true...
baby all i want for christmas is you...

good for me, none of these songs were played on Christmas eve or i could have burst into tears and laughter at the same time
( in a very mad girl manner)

first time ever that i was not able to spend the christmas with my family. actually, it was just my mom, my sis and my cousin who were in the house that eve. i was at work and dad had to go to Pampanga to be with my lolo. it was my lolo's first Christmas since my grandma died so dad, with his siblings (8 bros and a sis) decided to spend christmas with my lolo, except of course for those who are in abroad and one who has a tampo. unfortunately, mom and sis could not go due to some responsibilities here.

work was good. everyone seemed to be excited to spend christmas at the office. they even had pakulos like raffle of GCs with DVD as the main prize ( as expected, i had no luck with raffles!).
they also gave us a bountiful noche buena.
trying to make up for snatching us away from our families.

at exactly 12, everyone was giggly and excited. hugs, kisses and greetings. hugs, kisses and greetings.

i dialed our number. michelle picked up the phone. she was still up but mom was already asleep. had i been in the house, i would wake up everyone and insist that we share the food and exchange gifts.
well, not this year. my sis woke mom up.
had to bit my lip as i greeted her merry christmas.
i felt just how much my mom would want me to be home.
this is weird for her as well, i know.

since i could remember, she always had dad with her on christmas eve, either having noche buena or deeply asleep in his arms on those years when they would tell me they were too lazy to wake up for the eve. oh yes, after i worked hard and had my nose black for those BBQs! but my sis and i would just make lambing and hug them and lay between them with my dad pushing us away then he'd hug my mom again. then i would just stare at those two sleepyheads for some time and just tell myself "how sweet!". these were the moments that proved to me how my parents love each other despite the daily fights ( and i mean daily!).
then i would tell myself that someday i would find a man who would love me deeply and who i would unconditionally love as well however different we may be.

for our family, this year was way different. and however i denied it to myself , i know i felt lonely. not alone though because deep within me, even we were not together, i felt so loved.

i called milky as well, as promised, but unfortunately for her, she had a call at christmas eve.

i always dreamt of a perfect christmas when i will be with all, as in all, my loved ones. may it be family, close friends, special someone, long lost friends, other important people in my life. lahat! and we will share a simple but nice meal. then we will gather around and give gifts to each other. together we will say our prayer of thanksgiving to the one who should be the star of our every Christmas tree.
Well, who knows this dream might come true someday...

One thing that the Lord taught me this Christmas is to really value my family. I know i don't have a perfect one. Way far than being so. but these are the people who cared for me, who raised me, who loved me even before i learned what love is about. who are praying everyday for just the best for me. who i will never trade for anything in this world.

and who i will be with next Christmas eve.
i will make sure of that!

back to reality

2004-12-19T05:47:00.000+04:00

after 6 days off my work, i'm now back to the reality that yes, i am a working girl...
the moment i filed the VL (vacation leave) forms, i told myself that i would really make most of the 6 days..hello! i deserve this break... imagine yourself starting to report for work the day after your graduation.. whew! i should have bummed around for a couple of weeks. i just realized that work has no sem breaks, no christmas offs. the only way to have a break is to work for your vacation leave. amazing!

got to do a lot of things within the 6 days though...

*wore my flowery skirt and strutted it around the campus (thanks suzanne!)..
*...pigged out with roommates milky and lao along maginhawa...
*got to experience carols by candlelight for the first time but was too tired, too tired...zzzzzzzzz...
*in eastwood...
*frustrated cheering for a volleyball game for ian and ben(how i would love to scream my lungs out!) hey ben, kelan ka pa naging ie club? hehehe.. well, for the love of the game..
*stargazed with a little of jogging (thanks to jp and andres for the company and for the water)...
*a real jog the following night...
*got to watch "birth" and no, he was not sean!...
*visited another church, a very amazing experience indeed!..
*overnight sa tambayan...
*sambang umaga (and of course, the breakfast after the service)...
*did preparations for Molave outreach though was not able to help at the outreach itself, thanks to my very fashionable sleeveless outfit! hahaha! but tiara and i made a great team...
*gave gift and received one ( actually two, love them both!)
*glimpses of lantern parade and ms. eng'g...as in glimpses lang talaga!....
*videoke, my real love!...
*frustrated ice skating.. awww.. =(... hmmm.. let's just say jp and i just went to megamall to buy a pair of socks...
*movie marathon with fried chicken and carbonara.. yum!yum!...

i surely was having a lot of fun...
and then BOOM!
back to reality...

sweetest lines from movies

2004-12-15T12:45:00.000+04:00

oh guys... let's get mushy!
pick your favorite lines...

The only wrong thing would be to deny what your
heart truly feels.
> > ---THE MASK OF ZORRO

You will see a lot of things, but they will mean
nothing to you if you lose sight of the one you love.
> > ---AT FIRST SIGHT

If you love someone you say it...you say it right
then, out loud...or the moment just...passes you by.
> > ---MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING

I would rather have had
One breath of her hair,
One kiss from her mouth,
One touch of her hand,
Than an eternity without it...
> > ---CITY OF ANGELS

You will be doing anything
For the one you love...
Except love them again.
> > ---FAITHFUL

Fate exists but it can only take you so far,
Because once you're there
It's up to you to make it happen.
> > ---CAN'T HARDLY WAIT

When you've found that person you want to spend
the rest of ur life with,
you want the rest of ur life to begin right away."
> > ---When Harry Met Sally

"Sometimes when you hold out for everything, you
walk away with nothing."
> > ---Ally McBeal

I hate the way you talk to me And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick --
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh --
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way
I don't hate you --
Not even close, not even a little bit, not any at all.
(Kat Startford)
> > ---10 Things I Hate About You

"if two people are meant for each other, it doesnt
mean that they are meant for each other NOW."
Pacey Whitter
> > ---"DAWSON'S CREEK"

Lois: You know, if somebody had asked me three
days ago who the one person
in the world I admired most was, I'd have said
you. But, without really
knowing what that meant. Without understanding
that the hardest thing about
being you is all the things you can't do. All the
cries for help that you
can't answer, and how that quietly tears you
apart. But it never stops
you. And after living a little of that myself, I realized
something...something I never thought was possible.
Clark: What?
Lois: I love you more. More than I ever have and
more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and so, I wanna ask ... Will you marry me?
> > ---LOIS AND CLARK

I know it's a cornball thing, but love is
passion,obsession, someone you
can't live without. If you don't start with that,
what are you going to
end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find
someone you love like crazy
and who'll love you the same way back. And how do
you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart...
Run the risk, if you get hurt,
you'll come back. Because the truth is, there is
no sense living your life
without this. To make the journey and not fall
deeply in love -- well, you haven't lived a life at all.
You have to try. Because if you haven't
tried, you haven't lived... Stay open. Who knows?
Lightning could strike.
> > ---MEET JOE BLACK

Man: "Will you love me for the rest of my life?"
Woman: "I will love you for the rest of mine."
> > ---PHENOMENON

I guarantee it won't be easy I guarantee that at
one point or another One of us is going to want to leave.
But I also guarantee that If I don't ask
you to be mine I am going to regret it For the
rest of my life Because I know in my heart
You are the only one for me.
> > ---RUNAWAY BRIDE

Dear Catherine,
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long.
I feel I've been lost. No bearings, no compass.
I kept crashing into things, a little crazy I guess.
I've never been lost before. You were my true north.
I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left. I still think some mistake's been made and I'm waiting for God to take it back.
But I'm doing better now. The work helps me.
Most of all,you help me.
You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child.
All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace.
I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it
alive as long as I could.
I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace.
And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things.
I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that
you never spent one minute being cold or scared or sick.
I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you
what I was feeling. I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door.
I fixed it now.I'm sorry I ever fought with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize more. I Was too proud. I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.
All my love. G.
> > ---MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

"The only feeling of real loss is when you love
someone, more than you love yourself."
> > ---GOOD WILL HUNTING

"I love that you get cold when its 71 degrees out.
I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.
I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like i'm nuts. I love that after i spend a day with you, i can still smell your perfume on my clothes.
and i love that you are the last person i want to talk to before
i go to sleep at night. and it's not because i'm lonely,
and it's not because it's new Year's eve. i came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
> > ---WHEN HARRY MET SALLY

When you love someone,And you love them with your heart,
It never disappears when you're apart.
When you love someone and you've done all you can do,
You set them free.
And if that love was true, When you love someone
It will all come back to you
> > ---FORGET PARIS

You cannot find true love where it does not truly exist.
And you cannot hide it here it truly does.
> > ---KISSING A FOOL

I created my very own first breakup rule:
Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy.
Breakup rule No. 2: Until emotionally stabilized, enter no stores.
Breakup rule No. 3: Never stop thinking about him, even for a moment. because that's the moment he'll appear.
And finally, the most important breakup rule:
No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal,
you'll never get through it without your friends.
> > ---Carrie, from SEX AND THE CITY

" i miss you so much it hurts"
> > ---SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE

"Half my days i cannot bear not to touch you,
the rest of the time i feel
it doesn't matter if i ever see you again.
It isn't the mortality, it is how much you can bear....."
> > ---THE ENGLISH PATIENT

Do you believe in love? I bet you don't, you're
probably too sensible for that.
Have you ever seen someone and you know that if only that person
really know you, they'd dump the perfect model
they were with and realize that you are the one they want to grow old with? Have you ever fallen in
love with someone you've never talked to?
Have you ever been so alone you
spent the night confusing a guy in a coma?
> > ---WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

"anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary
love is a waste of your time.
there are too many mediocre things in life
to deal with and love
shouldn't be one of them."
> > ---A DREAM FOR AN INSOMNIAC

"i'm here to love you, to hold you in my arms and to protect you.
i'm here to learn from you and to receive your love in return.
i'm here coz there's no other place to be."
> > ---MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

"Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what
I saw, of what I did,of who I am. And most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."
> > ---DIRTY DANCING

"It's funny how we set qualifications for the right person to love while at the back of our minds we know that the person
we trully love will always be an exception"
> > ---Ally McBeal

"how can you assume to be friends with someone
when all you think about when you look at him is how much more you really want?"
> > -joey, DAWSON'S CREEK

if two people love each other, but just cant seem
to put things together, when would that point be..
when one would say enough is enough? NEVER.
> > ---THE MEXICAN

"So this is love...so this is what makes life
divine. I'm all aglow, and now I know.
The key to all heaven is mine. My heart has wings, and I can
fly. I'll touch every star in the sky. So this is
the miracle, that I've been dreaming of... So this is love."
> > ---CINDERELLA

Don't you understand? That everything I do, I do
for you? Anything that
might be special in me...is you.
> > ---GREAT EXPECTATIONS

One day, you look at the person and see more than
you did the day before, like a switch was flickered somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can imagine yourself with.
> > -Xfiles (series)

I feel like the best version of myself when i'm
with you... and that makes me doubt everything else.
> > ---KEEPING THE FAITH

Is it possible to be just friends with someone i
have these sort of non-moderate feelings for?...
Or am I doomed forever to just be in love
and ultimately significantly hurt?
> > -Felicity

"There are some people who meet that somebody that
they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try.
I wouldn't expect you to understand that,
or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we
should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you
forever."
> > --- Ally Mc Beal

"When you kiss someone,everything around you becomes hazy...
and the only thing in focus is you and this person...
And you realize that this person
is the only person you should be kissing
for the rest of your life...
And for one moment, you get, this amazing gift...
And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry...
Cuz you feel so lucky that you've found it
and so scared that it'll go away all at the same time..."
> > ---NEVER BEEN KISSED

With any luck, by next year - I'll be going out with one of these girls. [shows pictures of beautiful supermodels]
But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this [picture of a mummy]. Merry Christmas!
> > ---LOVE ACTUALLY

a creamier life with milky

2004-12-12T12:50:00.000+04:00

even if there's coffeemate around, i will still choose milky...corny, i know, but i'm just living up to what is expected of me whenever i'm with milky...

yup! we are "neighbors" in yakal. milky's room is actually sandwiched between lao's and mine. i have already been exchanging small talks and smiles with the two ladies but who would have thought that we would end up not just sharing rooms, but sharing lives?

my first retreat with upcym also gave me my first doze of milky. this lead to a lot of memorable bonding moments that grew into a wonderful friendship. the NBSB days, room hoppings in yakal, going to sbf together, going home after the sbf, heart to heart talks regarding matters of the hearts, sharing deepest secrets, doing devos together, sharing frustrations about self, planning for the future, telling the great dreams, crying together, crying for the other if someone is in pain and wanted to cry but couldn't.. i could go on and on... but one things for sure, my life would be less creamy if milky is not around..

basta milks always remember, LIBYA
L- life
I- is
B- beautiful
Y- you
A- also

corny no! galing kay milky yan.. hay!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! love you =)

letting go to lessen the pain

2004-12-01T17:40:00.000+04:00

I have been taking advantage of my vacation leaves from work. wow! finally i have a lot more time for rest, for my family, for friends, fo fun, for sleeping, for just lying in bed, for spending time with my two rum8s, for my quiet time.. and yes, the more i spend time with the Lord, the more lessons He has been revealing to me and that would be in a span of 4 days off work. allow me to share them to you but not in this post. as for this one, let me quote a very nice message on letting go and yes, this would be regarding my fave subject.. hehehe.. ano pa nga ba?

The love that brings us pain should be the same love that would heal our hearts. When you love so much that it begins to hurt, then you have to learn to let go to lessen your pain. Love hurts, and sometimes it hurts like there is no tomorrow.

No matter how battered and stricken we have been, there will always be a tomorrow that will bring hope and love. But that tomorrow will never come unless we leave the past behind and live today as we should.

Let the pain remain for a while and let the tears fall as they please. Then after all that, move on and find your place in this world where you will feel that everything is going to be all right.

when i saw you in pain, you just don't know how it broke my heart as well. i was in a difficult situation of wanting happiness for you but at the same time i can't just allow you to go for it as it was an unsure state of bringing you happiness or leading you to a deeper pain.
i'm happy seeing you moved on as this to me is the wisest thing to do. however, i don't want to see you grow bitter about love. uh-uh! as it is one great feeling! so magnificent a feeling! and if that is not the one for you, i'm sure a better one will come. God is in control! and i'm so excited seeing you start again.

girlfriends

2004-11-27T08:12:00.000+04:00

kinder
Originally uploaded by leslie12.

i received an email once about a story of a mother who once said to her daughter, "Don't forget your
girlfriends," she advised, "No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends. They'll be more important as you get older".

i completely agree. and this is not underestimating the friendship i have with my male buddies. this is to say that womanhood is something special shared among girlfriends. and as much as i enjoy being with my male friends because they are cool, makulit, funny, gentlemen, and protective, there is something about my girl friends that i will not trade.

i am lucky enough to say that i've found real and genuine friendship with girls. i know that when i am all gray and fat, i have female buds who will still stick with me doing the things i enjoy the most.

why should you value girlfriends?.. hmm... for a lot of reasons..

Girlfriends bring you casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you need help.
Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.
Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it; sometimes you don't.
Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.
Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.
Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.
Girlfriends pull you out of jams.
Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.
Girlfriends help you look for a new apartment, help you pack, and help you move.
Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes.
Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.
Girlfriends will drive through blizzards,rainstorms,hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.
Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.
Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.
Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.
Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.
Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

-anonymous

When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

My girlfriends, including my mom, my sis, my cousins, bless my life. The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead, nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

i'm so excited to spend the rest of my years with my girlfriends knowing that they will stick with me and i will do just the same. cheers to you girls!

the letter 2

2004-11-21T00:39:00.000+04:00

the letter i was not able to give....

the letter i should have written a long time ago..
the letter to end it all, the agony, the worries..
the letter that took me the whole day to think of what it should contain and how the words should be put..
the card is waiting, the pen was just as ready, things on my mind... but i just can't write it..
an hour before going home, i finally decided to write .. no, i would have it computerized.. i might not have the strength to scribble the words, the so many words i have to say..

i would want to say everything in it. but i can't. it might hurt and that was the last thing i would want to do..
so i wrote the letter telling the important details, leaving the more important ones behind...
words were igniting the pain but i can't cry...
not here in this computer shop, not when friends were just around the corner..
not anymore as i committed to the Lord during last Sunday's service that that will be the last time I would cry about it...
i have cried enough...

after a long travel, i was finally home... in front of the gate with a lot of hesitations to enter...
"Lord, help!..."
hesitations to open the gate.. no turning back, she already saw me..
smiles and hellos...
everything was just normal, doing good so far..
then she said the magic question...
i can't answer. i said "Later.." as it should be delayed. the letter will do the talking for me..

i waited for the talk i was imagining to happen...
the night ended peacefully... to my amusement, everything was just normal as if nothing happened.
actually, it seems better than the normal...
weird but was too tired to think...
some daydreamings , then slept...

morning came.. .
the magic question again...
i answered a very straight answer, half-truth half-lie
making her believe that that was just it...
i could not tell her...
i wanted to explain...
but before i even tried, she already understood...

HBs: handsome boys or hangin boys?

2004-11-14T01:51:00.000+04:00

HBs: alfred and jp
Originally uploaded by leslie12.

paguwapuhan o? hahaha...
last sunday, i got the priviledge (duh!) to spend a Starbucks night with these two guys... yup, i know what you are thinking.. ang isa nga lang di mo na kakayanin sa "whew! ang hangin!" power, pagsamahin pa ba sila...haha..
I call them now the HBs, as they refer themselves as such.

that night was pretty amazing! i had a nice chat with these boys. a real talk i had after a long time... i learned a lot from you and salamat, mga tsong!.. alam niyo na yun..

2004-11-13T08:48:00.000+04:00

HBs (alfred and jp) with Leslie, originally uploaded by leslie12.

the letter

2004-10-28T10:40:00.000+04:00

dear mom,

there's something i gotta tell you. something that has been going on with me for like days, weeks, maybe a month or two. a "phase" i don't know exactly how, why and when it started...i know i've been through something like this before but i never thought this one could be so strong that it has already been eating me out. well, maybe because i never told a single soul about it, and before i realized, it had already taken control over me. for once in my life, i don't want to be the responsible woman i thought i am or that i'm making myself to be. i just want to be that little child i had set aside in my pursuit to take control of the situation. that little child who can just cry and be weak without the feeling of guilt afterwards.

i don't know if you will be able to read this. i hope not coz it might just bring up disappointments in you about me. i don't want that to happen, of course. i know i am your source of strength and i would want it to remain that way. same goes for the rest of the family and for people who, as well, matters so much to me. but sometimes, as much as you would want to give, you can give no more because you have already given your all. it might not be enough but it is already your ALL.

but whether you read this or not, this letter also serves as the punctuation mark or better yet an exclamation point to mark the end of this "phase". i'm not letting go of it ,though, i'm just simply moving forward. i think i don't have a choice but to take responsibility once more, gather up the remaining strength and move forward.

don't worry, though. i'm already working on it and He is working with me which makes every yoke much easier. finally, i just wanna say that i love you so much. that i'm ready to go through everything for you. and i'll be doing that with great joy.

with much love....

So WATz up?

2004-10-21T15:50:00.000+04:00

i'm hvaing my "lunch break" ryt now (my friend ben would know what the quotation marks are for) and was planning to sleep but decided not to anymore since Chase had already taken off some minutes of my time asking me to sing songs from the new album of Regine. i dunno why he is so into this "minsan lang kita iibigin song"... haha

anyway, my friends have all gone off (well, not all of my friends but a lot of them) to laguna for a youth camp called SWAT. it is a camp to learn how to evangelize the Word and God knows what i would trade just to be in that camp right now...but then i'm caught in this office on the 28th floor.. i really need that, the camp, i mean. most especially at times when i would be caught up in a situation where i dunno what approach to take/do. and plus the fact that it is like telling yourself and the world that you would want to be an instrument for God..

i can't help but be reminded of the camp we organized two summers ago in bohol.. that was amazing and God really worked through us in various ways although we are not really prepared ourselves.. hay, the memories just make me want to be in laguna right now.. but then as ate v put it.. maybe the Lord will teach mem His ways in another way/ form.. maybe (and hopefully) there will be another camp where i can certainly join.. or maybe i am already in the process of learning them in my daily walk.. as of right now, all i know is that i want to serve and God knows that desire of my heart and He is already working on it...

i am really missing this bunch of kulit people and i am just continuously praying that they make the most of this opportunity given to them and they will really be moved and will make the movement when they get back...

i should not feel depressed though for not being able to go to laguna.. i know that this bunch of kulits will have a lot of stories to tell, lessons to share and pasalubongs for me to enjoy...

...oh, and the second love as well..

2004-10-15T09:00:00.000+04:00

vince 4ever, originally uploaded by leslie12.

do you believe in love at first sight? well, i do! it happened to me in high school... at least in the tv! i just saw this guy and he just took my breath away!! my world started to revolve around him... now, this Vince Hizon guy really took the sanity off me... with two of my best buddies, reggie, who happens to be drooled over bal david (duh! i dunno why) and belle, who is also madly in love with vince, we did all crazy things a fan could do...
1.) mother got angry because of the TOO many posters in your room..
2.) hating dad for saying bad things about vince...
3.) getting into the high school girls' basketball varsity (imagine, practicing every after class, doing all the warm-ups, sweating to death when in fact, duh, you are a high school girl! you should be all fresh and mabango... anyway, no regrets, i really like the sports apart from its players!)...
4.) consider the number 12 as a fave number, putting it in the jersey, scribbling the number in your notes, vandalizing the number in the cr...
5.) signing in his fans club (duh!)...
6.) learning the life stories of Mikee Cojuangco, Dodot Jaworski, (his friends) and Toni Leviste (his ex)...
7.) waiting until 12 midnight to watch Sports Unlimited (his tv program with Dianne Castillejo)...(and i have to say, mother also got angry about this)...
8.) getting serious into taking up Brod Comm to be a PBA anchor someday...
9.) spending half of allowance buying paraphernalias of a fan-- magazines, posters, mugs, shirts, caps etc....
10.) and this, when Ginebra team went to Cabanatuan City, my dear hometown, went to the mall very early in the morning with friends (mall was not even open yet) to be in a stampede of fellow fans. at about 3 pm, the team came. but because a fan pulled vince causing his shirt to tear off, he didn't went off the van.. well, to make it short, i did not see even his shadow, or a tip of his head...

that day, i promised myself vince and i will meet someday face to face... and guess what ? we did!! i was in my last year in UP and there was this concert /fashion show contest in AIT (my beloved college) and he was gonna be there as an endorser of a new line of clothing with some other celebrities and with now wife, Patricia... no i did not do the ramp but designed the stuff for the female model representing my org... i was not even finished putting the final furnishings to the dress when belle came.. "Les, omigosh, andiyan na si vince!" keber na sa model di ba! i went out, saw him, mesmerized by his presence, never thought that the high school dream would actually come true... the fashion show went well, i, never realizing what was going on around because eyes are glued to him, my dearest Vince... the next thing i know, our entry for the show won! but the best thing is that when i called his name when he was just few feet away and HE LOOKED AT ME AND SMILED!!!!
butterflies in the stomach, stars all around, the world froze, yup! it was love!

now, i can only look back at those wonderful years of being a fan of VinceHizon and Allan Caidic! i dunno what's going on with their lives right now.. but i will forever be a fan of these two great men of my life...

first love never dies...

2004-10-15T08:14:00.000+04:00

caidic,
originally uploaded by leslie12.

Though I started having crushes when i was in Kinder, it was only(!) in grade 4 that love came my way. when all of my girl classmates were busy with collecting stationeries and colored pens, i found addiction in basketball. at recess, i would find myself hanging with the boys talking about the last night's game of Ginebra and San Miguel. I had a great adoration for the Triggerman, Allan Caidic. Well, who would not? This 1987 Rookie of the Year and 1990 MVP was considered Asia's most feared trifecta icon and is one of the world's best three-point shooters. Imagine making 79 points in a game, 21 of those are all 3 point shots! He is just so amazing!
I would say that a lot of men came into my life (huwat?!) but my heart will always go back to my first love...

LaLa Fish Crackers and Zesto Mango Nectar and High School Boys

2004-10-13T05:01:00.000+04:00

i've been enjoying a lot of this 3-day off from work.. there are just so many things that i could do... grabe, sarap! sunday was of course for the Lord.. went straight to Church from work (without a bath) to practice for choir...ya, of course, i had to endure my friends' endless pang-asars about that. hay, this people are just real pains in my (beautiful)ass. was not offended though. ganyan talaga sila maglambing... how sweet di ba? (hahaha!!) do you know that feeling that you would want to kill them all yet you just love them so much (and i know that they do love me a lot too!)? i know, suzanne could v. much relate (anyway, that v. thing, that means very. got that from Bridget Jones' The End of Reason, thanks Chase!)...
got to go to Montalban too, well kandirit that is... Oh Ben, may kasalanan ako sa iyo... well, not only to you but to your family as well... tell you nxt time.
i went home and slept until like almost forever...got back to the care of my dear mom...so bored though. so i'm here, doing this crazy and nonsense stuff in front of computer.. with only LaLa Fish Crackers and Zesto Mango Nectar juice to accompany my existence...oh and of course, i'm surrounded by high school boys playing those computer games i haven't tried ever... duh, i don't think i will enjoy it... i can see a lot of bloods in their screen... gosh, how violent these games could be! but i think this one beside me got a crush on me.. hahaha...he stepped on my foot and kept saying sorry for like four times with pa-cute smile... hahaha. hope he is not looking at my screen. baka mabasa niya and will think ang kapal ko naman.. hahaha... these high school boys talaga, kala nila binata na talaga sila... way to go man! well, ako din naman e akala ko nung high school, binata na yung mga classmates ko...
gosh, am going circles here... gotta go home and watch these cds i've rented... ciao!

movie marathon 1

2004-10-11T00:04:00.000+04:00

been making a long list of the things that i would want to accomplish. these are simple things in life that i do want but does not have or have not done yet.

last tuesday, i happened to do one of them - get myself a membership in a video shops and rent movies i have missed...

hahaha.. tuesday nyt was a movie marathon at its best...
i'm watching alone up until 4 am...3 movies in a row... feeling mushy though the films are really romantic comedies... duh...

one thing i've noticed after watching the 3 of them.... they actually reflect me and my life...

THIRD MOVIE --- VIEW FROM THE TOP

now i don't have plans of being a flight attendant.. baka kasi magcrash di pa naman ako marunong lumangoy.. well, not that i can't take a plane.. i know i will someday and i would love to.. it's just that pag magcrash na yung plane, a might really not be able to do the respo of an FA and still attend to the passengers.. baka isave ko na sarili ko...

but then, like Gwyneth in the flick, i would also love to travel and explore the world.. hmmm.. this film just ignited the tourism side of me..

and like her, whatever it is in my life, whether, career, family, faith, lovelife.. i would always want it "Paris , First Class, international"

SECOND MOVIE --- MAID IN MANHATTAN

this one naman is one of those Cinderella stories.. yah, yah i know i've seen a lot of those but i always have a soft spot for Cinderella stories...

plus the fact that this story revolves in a hotel---very, very close to my heart....

FIRST MOVIE --- RUNAWAY BRIDE

"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me. "
--- Richard Gere in the movie saying what he thought would be a perfect proposal

shocks!!! now this could really melt your heart ( hey, i'm getting mushy again)
well, i really liked the other two better than this movie but i like this because they are always fighting (w/c to me is really cute) and that i really could relate with Julia Roberts in here... afraid, too afraid... grrrr to myself!!

ask, seek, knock

2004-10-09T22:46:00.000+04:00

been contemplating lately...
life has been so tiring...
loneliness in the middle of a crowd...
laughing yet killing yourself inside...
thinking you are just okay...
world making you realize otherwise...
when you learned of it, you are already drowned...
being a lot of things to others...
being helpless for yourself...
lots of people around...
no one to talk to...
thinking no one of them will understand...
can't even understand yourself...
a rollercoaster ride...
lots of highs and lows...
when at high, asking for more...
when at low, never imagined self to be feeling that low...
you are strong, aren't you?...

"ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. "
matt 7:7

but then

"when you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. "
james 4:3

should check my motives...
gotta contemplate more...

1st

2004-10-09T07:04:00.000+04:00

first time i saw you (wiseguys)

The first time I saw you
You were standing in the rain
There was something about you
That made me look again
The way that you let the rain
Fall down on you
The way that you smile
When your eyes met mine
Ooh,ooh...

CHORUS
I'll always remember
I'll never forget
How you took my breath away
The first time we met
No matter what happens
No matter what you do
I'll always remember
The first time I saw you

Now we're together
Said you'd take me by surprise
Little things that you say and do
So new to me each time
The way that you make me feel
Reminds me of the very first time
When your eyes met mine

i don't know wha't's the connection with the song . this just always comes to mind when we talk of the word "first" . you see, this is the first post....
duh.. no sense at all...