a lesson learned at christmas eve

christmas won't be the same without you...
christmas won't be the same if you're gone...
all i need to see standing by my christmas tree is you..
christmas won't be the same without you...

my idea of a perfect christmas is to spend it with you...
in a party or dinner for two...
anywhere would do...

oh i just want him for my own
more than you could ever known
make my wish come true...
baby all i want for christmas is you...


good for me, none of these songs were played on Christmas eve or i could have burst into tears and laughter at the same time
( in a very mad girl manner)

first time ever that i was not able to spend the christmas with my family. actually, it was just my mom, my sis and my cousin who were in the house that eve. i was at work and dad had to go to Pampanga to be with my lolo. it was my lolo's first Christmas since my grandma died so dad, with his siblings (8 bros and a sis) decided to spend christmas with my lolo, except of course for those who are in abroad and one who has a tampo. unfortunately, mom and sis could not go due to some responsibilities here.

work was good. everyone seemed to be excited to spend christmas at the office. they even had pakulos like raffle of GCs with DVD as the main prize ( as expected, i had no luck with raffles!).
they also gave us a bountiful noche buena.
trying to make up for snatching us away from our families.

at exactly 12, everyone was giggly and excited. hugs, kisses and greetings. hugs, kisses and greetings.

i dialed our number. michelle picked up the phone. she was still up but mom was already asleep. had i been in the house, i would wake up everyone and insist that we share the food and exchange gifts.
well, not this year. my sis woke mom up.
had to bit my lip as i greeted her merry christmas.
i felt just how much my mom would want me to be home.
this is weird for her as well, i know.

since i could remember, she always had dad with her on christmas eve, either having noche buena or deeply asleep in his arms on those years when they would tell me they were too lazy to wake up for the eve. oh yes, after i worked hard and had my nose black for those BBQs! but my sis and i would just make lambing and hug them and lay between them with my dad pushing us away then he'd hug my mom again. then i would just stare at those two sleepyheads for some time and just tell myself "how sweet!". these were the moments that proved to me how my parents love each other despite the daily fights ( and i mean daily!).
then i would tell myself that someday i would find a man who would love me deeply and who i would unconditionally love as well however different we may be.

for our family, this year was way different. and however i denied it to myself , i know i felt lonely. not alone though because deep within me, even we were not together, i felt so loved.

i called milky as well, as promised, but unfortunately for her, she had a call at christmas eve.

i always dreamt of a perfect christmas when i will be with all, as in all, my loved ones. may it be family, close friends, special someone, long lost friends, other important people in my life. lahat! and we will share a simple but nice meal. then we will gather around and give gifts to each other. together we will say our prayer of thanksgiving to the one who should be the star of our every Christmas tree.
Well, who knows this dream might come true someday...

One thing that the Lord taught me this Christmas is to really value my family. I know i don't have a perfect one. Way far than being so. but these are the people who cared for me, who raised me, who loved me even before i learned what love is about. who are praying everyday for just the best for me. who i will never trade for anything in this world.

and who i will be with next Christmas eve.
i will make sure of that!