mac&me

resource center:
im sitting here facing this computer, headset plugged in my ears connected to that mac mini whose size still amazes me, listening to music from the tristancafe site. i really don't know what to write about. shift is over but just wanna stay and write something spontaneous. you know, something senseless.. but spontaneous...

just done with 5 straight working days. or should i say nights. the last 2, i haven't even noticed. they being a "kumpleto ang barkada" shift. just as expected, full of fun, happy thoughts and happy talks. liz , her assignment on passive listening and her promised lunch once she passes the subject. isaac and his being mrs. raymond gutierrez. ann and how she slaps on my and raechelle's faces our "shortcomings". ate tin, the "risk again" campaign and he whose name should not be mentioned, raechelle and the conversation equating guys to the word "insensitive" . friendhsip rae who will be celebrating an anniversary soon. mark and oh,please expect me to remind you about that thing everyday. sabog ka talaga sa amin. pat and how she justified the term hot mama. let's not forget cdo, the honorary member. omg! and me.. well, just me. just me. just me. just me. enough. these people might think they do have significance in my life. duh!

a lot of things going on in my mind. some about me. mostly, about people around me. bakit ko nga ba pinoproblema to? hay..
i want to put them all in writing maybe to release myself from them. even just a bit. but i'd rather not. however you shout it to their faces, katangahan is something they opted to embrace. can't stop thinking just how fragile she is, how misjudged and how i misses her. the idea of betrayal in response to your all-out giving. knowing what you want to do with your life and learning that it comes with extra baggages known as fears and doubts. people thinking you are so fine as they look through the facade and the wall of strength you have been building that will break down with the littlest force. that feeling of loving and hating someone all at the same time. the rising and setting of the sun. hoping that this phase be over soon and to just wake up already in the next stage. the pain of being such a failure to them. the greater pain of being a failure to yourself. longing for something you do not know. and whoever gave her the right to take your heart away when for so long you were mine? yes, this is part of a song. and yes, this describes exactly how hurting it is. everything doing some turning on and turning off. yup, turning off included. turn on, turn off. turn on, turn off. turn on, turn off. endless. until the call for a final ending. everything being a big masquerade. the difference between being happy and being joyful and the absence of both for some. humility and the idea of keeping one's self grounded. the gift of listening and how tiring it is sometimes especially when you' re demanding for your turn to talk. loving someone so much it makes you want to cry of joy. loving someone so much it makes you want to laugh the pain away. having the desire to grow up at last. realizing the difficulty of growing up. the many things you want to do and how uncooperative time is.

this is beginning to be too senseless. but it makes sense to me, you know, just like putting milk on my cereal and coffemate on my coffe.


or could it make sense for some as well?

and yes, spontaneity in its truest definition..

iantot

thanks for your good morning letter. that, indeed, was so touching. thanks for always praying for me and I will continue to do the same for you. God bless you always...
happy birthday, dong! love you! =)

same ground

the first kitchie nadal song i was able to appreciate. yup! when everyone else was going gaga over nadal, i was thinking of her as a bitch who does a metamorphosing effect with her voice making it bigger and huskier. but she was able to redeem herself a bit and proved that she is more than a girl who can strum her guitar in front of onemig bondoc. well, this song was soulfully sung radiating that hurt it wants to convey.

My love,
Its been a long time since I cried
And left you out of the blue.
Its hard
Leaving you that way when
I never wanted to.
Self-denial is a game
Its strange I never would've
Wanted 'till there was you.

**'cause I have learned that love is beyond
What human can imagine,
More it clears the more I have to let you go.

[chorus:]
But now I don't understand why I'm feeling
So bad now when I know it was my idea.
I could've just denied the truth and lied.
But why am I the only one standing stranded
On the same ground?

[repeat verse except **]
'cause I have learned that love is a
Word gets thrown a little bit too much.
The best excuse to fill the infinite abyss
I would never ever have to if

[repeat chorus]

When all else fail,
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fail,
Would you be brave
To see right through me?