dream of me

by Kirsten Dunst [From Album : Get Over It Motion Picture Soundtrack]

Let me sleep
For when I sleep I dream that you're here
You're mine and all my fears are left behind
I flew on air and nightingale sings a gentle lullaby
So let me close my eyes

And sleep a chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch, to kiss
My only dreams can bring me this

so let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams he'll dream of me

And high beneath the clouds
I'd whisper to the evening stars
Tell me love, he's just a dream away, dream away
A dream away

So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams, he'll dream of me

Oh.... dream of me

or else....hehe...

On my way to work, I couldn't help but think about yesterday. Well, it's not everyday that you get to spend time with an old friend. I was just near his office so i decided to drop by to meet him. I grabbed out my phone.

ei, til wat tym is ur work?
im just w/in the area...
wanna meet?.. ü

The next hour I already found myself sharing a wonderful dinner with him. He has changed. Tremenduously changed. But I know that the person infront of me is the same one that i used to share my life stories with back in college.

"So how's work?", i asked. After months of not seeing each other, I still feel at home with him.

"Doing good so far. But maybe this job is not for me. I wanted to do something else. You know well of that. How about you?", he said lifting the fork towards his mouth. He always loved pasta.

I told him that i'm doing okay. That I'm just trying to enjoy my work although I also have plans of looking for something else someday.

"You know what, I always knew that you would do good at work.With whatever kind of work it may be. You were so persistent back in college. You always seem to enjoy pressure. Not even shaken by it.", he said looking at me directly.

He was never the kind who gives compliments often so this somehow surprised me. Or maybe this is what usually happens to people after being away from each other for sometime. I just smiled and asked if he is still communicating with Andrea.

"Sometimes.But things has actually changed for us. We used to text. She used to call me. But not anymore. I actually don't know what happened. People changes. Sometimes, they will just have a life of their own which they can live even without you in it.", he said trying to laugh it off. I checked if there was bitterness in his voice. None. He seemed to be completely over her.

"How about you? Have you met your "the one"?, he asked teasingly.

I just smiled. With the so many people we are meeting these days, it's difficult to tell if our "the one" has already arrived. Sometimes, even if there is already a person in our lives that we love so much and cherish, we still can't be so sure. He knows so well how coward I am when it comes to love because of the fear to get hurt. But I told him that I am still praying for "him". If there is something similar about us and which I could say would set the two of us apart from our friends is that we both don't want to waste our time and effort for a bad relationship. We'd rather wait for the right one. For our The One. I just don't know what actually happened with him and Andrea.

"You know what, I always thought you and Andrea would end up together.", I commented. Yes, that was what I thought but there's something in me rejoicing that it never happened. My friend here just deserves someone better.

He just laughed. Looked out the window.

"Did you know that I almost courted you in second year?", he said after a moment. For sometime, I didn't know how to react. At last, i got the courage to laugh, in shock and complete disbelief.

"And you know very well that it would not work. It's just an incest!", I said. Still laughing.

"Have you ever felt deeply hurt because of love?", he asked. From where he got the question, I don't know.

"A thousand times and you know them all.", i answered, reminiscing the times i would cry to him because of some stupid guy.

"Is it worth it? I mean, will you still be able to trust? Would you try it again even if you know that there is a possibility that you'll just get hurt?," he asked, once again staring out the window. At that time I want to kill myself for seeing him ask those questions out of pain but not knowing what actually caused such deep hurt in him.

"I guess I will. Remeber how you call me the most hopeless of all the hopeless romantics you've known."

"And you still are. So hopeless! When will you ever learn?," he said, teasing me again.

"Actually, when will WE ever learn?", I smiled at the sight of the glow back in his eyes.

We still talked for about an hour, not anymore about love. Basically, reminiscing of how stupid we were like back in college and the million bloopers we had together. It was the best laugh I had after such a long time.

We finally decided that it's getting late and we better call it a night. He insisted to drop me off my place. I absolutely refused because it was out of his way but the gentleman side of him still never fades. We said our goodbyes but promised to meet again. Maybe next week.

I'm all washed up and ready to sleep when i remembered to text him.

ur afraid dat if u commit ur heart
& ur love 2 sam1, ul get hurt...
wel, u wil. u r goin 2 hav problems
& pain & anger...
but ul also hav joy. great joy!.. ü

too tired to come up with a juicy title...

totally exhausted!
yup, that's the exact word. or that could be an understatement.
though i just had a little sleep, i went to work pretty excited ( well, this could also mean i went to work pretty and excited.. hehe) to see my officemates only to find out that there were some changes in the system for today and i had to take reservations. a lot of reservations! and that again is an understatement.

adding to this are gretel and alfred flooding my inbox with love issues, of mind and of heart. and of course, kuya egai coming up with ideas i dunno where he got from.

but in the middle of my chaotic world, a member would tell me how grateful he is that i was able to help him, how he could sense the willingness in me to address his concern and how he could feel the smile on my face delighted to be of service.
now that really put me on a high. these are the joys of customer service. despite the numerous irate members you would encounter, however unreasonable some may be and however demanding the job is, a two or three of these joys would really make your day.

and to top it all, minutes before ending my shift, i got an agent compliment! though this is not the first, it never fails to give joy seeing the grin in my supervisor's face.

Awesome!
WOW!
and that's an understatement...

the visit

complete silence. alone. the night was still.
birds chirping. the environment was peaceful. but not me.

the last time i visited you like this, i was all torn, confused, lost and just didn't know what to do.
same as now.
two days ago, i just spoke with you and told you of my plans for the year. great plans, indeed.
how fast you responded. checking how serious i was about what i said. too fast, i wasn't even able grasp it all.
so i came here to tell you that i am completely serious about everything. can't it be just like that? can't you just take my word for it?

i know that the answer is no. you really wanted proof. you had to put me into this test. and you know so well that i don't wanna fail you. no, not you who has been so faithful. especially the last time. so, can i just ask you for some time to have myself ready? just some time before i do what i should.

i will be completely honest with you as you fully know my heart. i'm shaken. i'm doubting of my strength to get through this. im anxious, worried and in panic.

and as expected, you always have the words to calm me down, to tell me that everything will be alright. once again, you told me to trust you and to acknowledge that i have to go through this for a reason, for the lesson. i felt the need to just repent. to you more than anybody else. then realizations just flowed. too much i almost drowned. some i couldn't accept. some truth i tried to deny. but who am i fooling?

once again, you never failed me however unfaithful and inconsistent i am. may you just sustain me.
i'm tired. i just wanna go home.
i need to go home.

i pull out the walkman from my bag as i slowly start to walk out of your house. maybe i need some music. just so there would be something to accompany me in the stillness of the night. and the song goes..


Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home..

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you

kanlungan

4 na oras at kalahati din ang itinagal ng biyahe. nakakahilo ang paliku-likong daan. pero hindi na ako nagsuka, hindi tulad ng dati, halos 5 na taon ang nakakaraan.

hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginagawa ko dito. ito ay isang lugar na hindi ko kilala. parang ikaw, hindi na kita kilala. o mas mainam sigurong sabihin na hindi ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon na makilala ka at ikaw na makilala ako.

ang alam niya nasa tagaytay ako ngayon kasama ang mga officemates ko. nagbabakasyon. ngayon lang ako nagsinungaling sa kanya..hindi ako sanay pero gusto ko na lang isipin na para rin naman ito sa kanya e. para sa akin. para sa amin.

naramdaman ko ang pamilyar na haplos ng malamig na hangin sa aking mukha habang napapalibutan ng mga puno na tila bahagi na ng pagkatao ko.

bakit nga ba ako nandito gayung alam ko namang wala ka?

pumasok ako sa loob. buti na lang at walang tao dahil bakasyon. pag may nagtanong kung anong ginagawa ko dito, magkukunwari na lang akong naligaw.

ibang-iba na ang lugar na ito kumpara sa nakatatak sa mapurol kong memorya. iba na ang kulay ng mga building. nadagdagan pa nga yata sila. medyo moderno na rin ang mga gamit sa paligid. pero ang punong ito ay matayog pa rin. ang punong sinandalan mo nang una kitang nakita na nag-gigitara at nang tiningala mo ako habang ako'y nasa ikalawang palapag ng building na ngayon ay kulay orange na. naaalala ko pa nang magpakilala ka sa akin. medyo hindi maganda ang tunog ng pangalan mo pero okay na din.

pare, niyanig mo ang mundo ko noon...

ngayon, pinagmumukha mo akong tanga dito. para akong baliw na gumagawa ng sariling music video. palakad-lakad. paling-linga. hahaplusin ang puno.

ano ba talaga ang ginagawa ko dito? ni hindi naman kita makikita. hindi makakausap. pero ayoko na kasi na tuwing magpaPasko, naaalala kita.. tuwing nababanggit ang lugar na ito, hindi ko maiwasang isipin kung kumusta ka na kaya, kung ano ang naging buhay mo. ayoko na yung pakiramdam na kinakabahan pa rin tuwing makikita ko ang mga bagay na bigay mo. o ang maalala ka tuwing maririnig ang Pasko na Sinta Ko.

gusto na kitang kalimutan. hindi na kita mahal kung yun ang iniisip mo. gusto ko nang sa iba ialay ang pagmamahal at pag-aalaga na dati ay para sayo lang. kaya gusto ko nang magsimula nang panibago. na wala ka na. na isa ka na lang alaalang hindi na ako kayang maapektuhan pa.

ito ang pangalawa at huling pagkakataon na yayapak ako sa lugar na ito dala ang pag-asang hatid mo.

pero hindi naman kita gustong tuluyang makalimutan e. napakaganda mong bahagi ng buhay ko para kalimutan lang. balang-araw gusto pa din kitang makita, kumustahin. tanungin kung naaalala mo pa ako.. yun ay kung makikilala pa kita. pero sa ngayon oras na para bumalik sa buhay ko. ang buhay ko ngayon. hindi ko alam kung nakatulong ang pagpunta ko dito. hindi ko alam kung pagbalik ko mayroon bang magiging pagbabago. basta, ang alam ko lang minsan kailangang tapusin ang isang kabanata para makapagsimula ng panibago. at ito ang siyang aking ginawa.

eto na ang dyip na magdadala sa akin sa terminal ng bus. tatahakin ang daan na nilakbay ko noon nang iwanan kita.

"Manong, sa bayan ho. isa lang."

Kinuha ni manong ang bayad. kasunod noon ay ang pag-ilanlang ng musika mula sa speaker ng dyip..

panapanahon ang pagkakataon...
maibabalik ba ang kahapon...

ngayon ikaw ay nagbalik..
tulad ko rin ang yong pananabik...
makita ang dating kanlungan...
tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap...
nagyon ay naglaho na...
saan hahanapin pa...