mac&me

resource center:
im sitting here facing this computer, headset plugged in my ears connected to that mac mini whose size still amazes me, listening to music from the tristancafe site. i really don't know what to write about. shift is over but just wanna stay and write something spontaneous. you know, something senseless.. but spontaneous...

just done with 5 straight working days. or should i say nights. the last 2, i haven't even noticed. they being a "kumpleto ang barkada" shift. just as expected, full of fun, happy thoughts and happy talks. liz , her assignment on passive listening and her promised lunch once she passes the subject. isaac and his being mrs. raymond gutierrez. ann and how she slaps on my and raechelle's faces our "shortcomings". ate tin, the "risk again" campaign and he whose name should not be mentioned, raechelle and the conversation equating guys to the word "insensitive" . friendhsip rae who will be celebrating an anniversary soon. mark and oh,please expect me to remind you about that thing everyday. sabog ka talaga sa amin. pat and how she justified the term hot mama. let's not forget cdo, the honorary member. omg! and me.. well, just me. just me. just me. just me. enough. these people might think they do have significance in my life. duh!

a lot of things going on in my mind. some about me. mostly, about people around me. bakit ko nga ba pinoproblema to? hay..
i want to put them all in writing maybe to release myself from them. even just a bit. but i'd rather not. however you shout it to their faces, katangahan is something they opted to embrace. can't stop thinking just how fragile she is, how misjudged and how i misses her. the idea of betrayal in response to your all-out giving. knowing what you want to do with your life and learning that it comes with extra baggages known as fears and doubts. people thinking you are so fine as they look through the facade and the wall of strength you have been building that will break down with the littlest force. that feeling of loving and hating someone all at the same time. the rising and setting of the sun. hoping that this phase be over soon and to just wake up already in the next stage. the pain of being such a failure to them. the greater pain of being a failure to yourself. longing for something you do not know. and whoever gave her the right to take your heart away when for so long you were mine? yes, this is part of a song. and yes, this describes exactly how hurting it is. everything doing some turning on and turning off. yup, turning off included. turn on, turn off. turn on, turn off. turn on, turn off. endless. until the call for a final ending. everything being a big masquerade. the difference between being happy and being joyful and the absence of both for some. humility and the idea of keeping one's self grounded. the gift of listening and how tiring it is sometimes especially when you' re demanding for your turn to talk. loving someone so much it makes you want to cry of joy. loving someone so much it makes you want to laugh the pain away. having the desire to grow up at last. realizing the difficulty of growing up. the many things you want to do and how uncooperative time is.

this is beginning to be too senseless. but it makes sense to me, you know, just like putting milk on my cereal and coffemate on my coffe.


or could it make sense for some as well?

and yes, spontaneity in its truest definition..